The Adventures of the AVGN and the Odd Trio
by KingdomKey23
Summary: The Angriest Gamer in the world reviews some of the crappiest games ever made featuring the Odd Trio. Be there when said trio join in the anger! Hilarity and profanity will ensue! Prepare yourselves for one of the strangest crossovers ever! Reposted here!
1. Prelude

A/N: Hey, guys. KingdomKey here! Now, you're probably wondering what the heck this is. Well, this is a story my friend Staredcraft and I have been working on for awhile. The story is a crossover between two very unlikely universes. The first is the Odd Trio, created by my friend Staredcraft. The Odd Trio is a multi-universe Super Hero story that stars characters like Jenny from My Life as a Teenage Robot, Danny Phantom, and Kimi Finster, who in Stared's story has her own identity as Ninjetta. You may need to read the story before understanding a few things. It isn't mandatory since the story isn't directly connected with the main story. It's more like a fun idea. The Odd Trio is crossing over with internet celebrity James Rolfe's Angry Video Game Nerd, an angry game reviewer who comically lambastes old video games. To learn more about him you may visit screwattack dot com. Now, we're already two chapters into the story, but due to not getting any comments from Staredcraft's profile, we decided to re-post the story at mine. I hope you look forward to our story, and if you're not fond of the Nerd's odd sense of humor, then you don't have to read further.

Disclaimer: We do not own the Angry Video Game Nerd character. He was solely created by James Rolfe and officially belongs to him and Screwattack. We did, however, receive permission from Mr. Rolfe to use his character. We also do not own the rights to the theme song, created by both Mr. Rolfe and Kyle Justin. Also, be advised that there will be explicit language due to the nature of the Angry Video Game Nerd series.

--

Video games: a vast source of entertainment that has become a part of the mass medium. Ever since the late seventies, video games have allowed people to explore many strange and unusual worlds in the comforts of their own homes. Some people would play these games for the mere sport of it, while contrarily, some people played them with a passion to win, and become a video game champion. Regardless of which way they were played, people young and old loved to play these video games. As time progressed and technology improved, video games became more elaborate. The graphics had more detail; there was more variety to the gameplay, and the length of time it took to beat a game increased significantly.

Each video game created was distributed on different video game consoles. During the late 70's to early 80's, most games were played and enjoyed on a console known as the Atari 2600. However, in 1983, due to an overwhelming amount of horrendous video games being produced, the market entered an era known as the, "North American Video Game Crash of 1983." The art of video games was on the verge of death, until 1985, when a video game industry known as "Nintendo" released their own home console in the United States; with it came the critically acclaimed Super Mario Brothers and R.O.B the Robot, which saved the entire industry from extinction. Thus, video games lived on for a future generation of gamers.

Today, most video games are played using 3D rendered graphics. Video games are manufactured and produced for four different consoles; the Nintendo Wii, the XBOX360, the home computer and the Playstation 3. While a preponderant amount of people love playing these games in three dimensions, some of them love the 2D games of yesteryear. They solemnly believe that these games held sentimental value to them, and they prefer playing these games over the 3D ones. These individuals are known as Retro Gamers.

Moreover, while a myriad of video games are fun and enjoyable, there are an overwhelming amount of games that are horrible. These games are so bad that once you play the first few minutes of them, you would turn off the game and wish to never play it again. Most people who play these distasteful games would just put it away in his or her box, lock them in a cabinet door, and never let them see the light of day again.

However, there is one person out there who has made it his life's goal to play these terrible games all the way through, brutal critiquing them with a foul mouth more vile than a snake's deadly fangs, ready to impale them on an innocent bystander. Infamously known by many as the most malevolent gamer on the face of the earth, he reviews these god awful games, and destroys them by any means necessary; he would spit on them, flush them down a toilet, light them on fire, or he would release his feces all over them. He is known as the Angry Video Game Nerd.

--

The Nerd was a twenty eight year old male who lived in an apartment in Philadelphia. For most of his adulthood, he had secluded himself from the rest of the world, playing horrible video games and reviewing them to zero or no end. If you were to enter his room, you would become mesmerized by the number of games he owned. In the left corner of his room you could notice a giant entertainment system stocked up with over twenty different video game consoles. You could notice the Sega Genesis, Nintendo to Wii, Atari 2600 and 5200; the Comodore 64, Magnavox Odyssey, the Playstations, the XBOXs, and so many other systems. It was breathtaking to see that this person owned all of these consoles, past and new. All of them were stacked neatly on each shelf, so there would not be a cause for a mess.

Next to the entrance of the Nerd's door were various video game posters on the wall. Most of the pictures featured characters from various gamming franchises such as: Super Mario Brothers, Megaman, the Legend of Zelda, Sonic the Hedgehog etc. To the right was a wooden shelf that had an abundant amount of video games, all perfectly stacked based on what system it was for. In the center of the room, sitting in his chair and playing a video game at the moment was the Nerd himself.

The Nerd was depicted as a stereotypical nerd. He had on a pair of sideways oval shaped glasses, and he wore a white buttoned down shirt with a pocket pouch on the right side of his chest. In the pouch were a few writing utensils that he kept on him, albeit it was ambiguous if he actually used them or not..

He was currently playing a game on his Sega Genesis. The game he was playing was called, "Ghostbusters," based on the 1984 comedy film with the same name; coincidentally, Ghostbusters was one of his favorite movies. Unlike most of the bad games he has played, he actually liked this game. He decided that he needed a break from bashing the living hell out of crappy games, so he decided to play a good game instead. Unfortunately, in spite of the game being good, he still had problems with it. As he played the game, he could only watch in bewilderment as his character (which was Egon Spengler from the movie) got killed by a coffee mug, which surprisingly, resulted in him turning into a mummy. His bottom lip stiffened up as a look of frustration manifested on his face.

"Jesus Fucking Christ all mighty on a pogo stick!" he cried out with his loud New Jersey accent. "Why the hell are these fucking coffee cups so impossible to destroy? I mean, they're coffee mugs for Christ sakes! They shouldn't be this difficult to dispose of! Which intelligent shithead thought this would be a good idea to make these things overpowering, let alone make the enemies coffee mugs at all? And why in the name of the holy fuck does my guy turn into a mummy? I don't remember the Ghostbusters getting their asses handed to them and turning into mummies in the movie. Who thought of this!? It must've been some game developer who was jerking off in the bathroom when he noticed a roll of toilet paper, and thought to himself, 'Hm, wouldn't it be cool if we turned a Ghostbuster into a mummy for shits and giggles?' That doesn't even make sense! I guess I'd turn into a mummy too if a cup was trying to fuck me in the ass. Also, I still don't understand why the Ghostbusters have to buy their own equipment. I ask you, who here knows how to make an unlicensed nuclear accelerator? 'Cause I sure don't. Didn't these guys see the movie!? What's the point...of making a game...based off a movie...WHEN YOU HAVEN'T SEEN THE FUCKING MOVIE TO BEGIN WITH!?"

Catching his breath for the moment, the Nerd leaned over the right side of his chair and grabbed a bottle of beer that was on the floor. On the front of the beer bottle was a label that said, "Rolling Rock." The Nerd drank beer whenever he needed to sooth the pain from playing an awful video game. He first started to drink beer after playing a game called, "Dr Jekyll and Mr. Hyde," because that game was so bad that it officially scarred him for life. Sometimes, he would have nightmares about playing that game, over and over again in a white void of nothingness. To this day, just thought of that game sent shills right down his spine...and down his ass too.

The Nerd removed the cap and brought the bottle up to his mouth. He tasted the liquid as it slowly slid down his throat and into his stomach. He then placed the bottle back onto the ground conscientiously, so that it would not fall over onto the rug. He took a second to catch his breath before he spoke up again.

"In all honesty, the game is actually good," the Nerd said calmly. "It's a hell of a lot better than the other shitty video game adaptations of the movie. Once in awhile I do like to play some good games. I actually plan to play Super Smash Brothers Brawl tonight, though I won't be playing online because those dumb fucks at Nintendo of America still haven't addressed the issue with the one second lag that happens when you press a button. Yeah, there is a once second lag. I could shit faster than that! How in the ass did they mess this up!? Especially since it's a fucking Smash Brothers game! The one second lag is such a bitch to get used to. I'd rather eat my glasses and shit them out into a bucket full of scorpions. I'd rather puke out twenty day old lizard piss and roll around in it on the New Jersey Turnpike!"

He took another moment to calm down by drinking some more of his Rolling Rock. As he placed it down again, he let out a small smile. Tonight, he was going to actually play a good game for once. He needed a break from venting his anger out on crappy games.

"Well, at least tonight I can enjoy myself," the Nerd said optimistically. "A man needs a break from shitty games once in awhile, and nothing, and I repeat, nothing bad is going to ruin my night."

The Nerd was about regret those words. Suddenly, he noticed a flash of light out of the corner of his eye. He veered his head leftward to see his window. The Nerd noticed that a bright yellow light was flashing outside of his window. The Nerd arose from his seat and scurried over to his window to see what was going on. When he arrived at the window, he pushed the shutters up and stuck his head out.. The Nerd noticed that a beam of light was shooting up into the sky. The Nerd followed the beacon of light upward until he could see the end of it. What the Nerd saw next caused him to gasp in horror. At the top of the beacon was what appeared to be a silhouette of a piece of crap. (Similar to the Batman symbol) The Nerd then brought his head back in the window, shocked and upset by what he just saw.

He instantly knew what it meant, and it was going to ruin his plans for tonight.

Rage...that was the only thing going through his mind right now; a rage so powerful that it was about to go off like a bomb. His body was trembling in anger. His once calm face was now replaced by his famous overly exaggerated enraged glare. He looked up towards the ceiling while he shook his head, mouthing, "No, no, no."

Finally, his anger exploded as he raised his left arm into the air and gave the middle finger. He then shouted out a simple but loud word that echoed throughout the entire town.

"FUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKKKKK!!" he screamed.

Hence, this is how it all begins...the story of Captain Crappy Games, or as most know him as, the Angry Video Game Nerd.


	2. Chapter I

_He's gonna take you back to the past,_

**Created by: Staredcraft**

_to play the shitty games that suck ass._

**Co-Written by: KingdomKey23**

_He'd rather have a buffalo take a diarrhea dump in his ear._

**Angry Video Game Nerd created by: James D. Rolfe **

_He'd rather eat, the rotten asshole, of a roadkill skunk and down it with beer._

**Theme Song performed by: Kyle Justin**

_He's the angriest gamer you've ever heard,_

**Odd Trio created by: Staredcraft **

_He's the Angry Nintendo Nerd._

**Danny Phantom, Jenny Wakemen, and Kimi Finster are properties of Nickelodeon Studios **

_He's the Angry Atari, Sega Nerd _

_He's the Angry Video Game Nerd._

--

_When you turn on your TV, _

_Make sure it's tuned to channel three._

_He's got a nerdy shirt,_

_and a pocket pouch,_

_although I've never seen him write anything down._

_He's got a poweglove,_

_and a filthy mouth;_

_armed with his zapper he will tear these games down!_

_He's the angriest gamer you've ever heard,_

_He's the Angry Nintendo Nerd._

_He's the Angry Atari, Sega Nerd _

_He's the Angry Video Game Nerd._

--

_He plays the worst games of all time;_

_Horrible abominations of man kind!_

_They make him so mad he could spit,_

_Or say Cowabunga,_

"_Cowafucking piece of dog shit!" _

_They rip you off and don't care one bit,_

_but this Nerd, he doesn't forget it:_

_Why can't a turtle swim?_

_Why can't I land a plane?_

_They gotta quick buck for this shitload of fuck!_

_The characters' names are wrong,_

_Why's the password so long?_

_Why don't the weapons do anything?_

_He's the angriest gamer you've ever heard,_

_The games suck so bad he makes up his own words._

_He's the angriest, most pissed off gamming nerd._

_He's the angry..._

_Atari  
Amiga  
CDI  
Colecovision  
Intellivision_

_Sega  
Neo Geo  
Turbo Grafix 16  
Odyssey  
3DO _

_Commodore  
Nintendo Nerd_

_He's the Angry Video Game Nerd.  
_

__**The Adventures of the AVGN and the Odd Trio**

**Chapter I: It's a Flying Dog Turd, no, it's Captain Crappy Games**

It was another glorious day in the state of Philadelphia. The temperature was nice and warm out. As one would look up into the sky, you could notice that it was clear as crystal; not a cloud could be seen. The birds were singing a blithesome tune that left smiles on the faces of every single individual that lived in a small cul-de-sac, located in the state. A small blue bird flew delicately into the sky, feeling the warm air embrace its face. Right below the town were the civilians, going about their everyday lives. Some were mowing the lawn, while others were washing their cars. The sounds of children's laughter echoed throughout the entire area, which left everyone with a good feeling inside. It looked like today was going to be a wonderful day.

The blue bird flew onto the top of a tree branch that was right next to the window of a white apartment building. The bird, slowly but surely, landed on the branch and stretched out its wings. It then took a deep breath in as it prepared to let out a happy tune.

Suddenly, it was interrupted by a familiar rambunctiously frustrated voice.

"ASS!!" the Nerd boomed out.

In the blink of an eye, the poor innocent bird felt the rough exterior of an old Nintendo Entertainment System controller, chucked out the window by the Angry Video Game Nerd. The little bird fell off the branch and plummeted straight to the ground. Thankfully, the bird was able to survive the whole ordeal, but it was having a bit of difficulty standing back up.

It would appear that not everyone was having a good day...

Inside his house, the Angry Video Game Nerd had just finished playing a game known as Silver Surfer, consider by many to be one of the hardest games known to mankind. Silver Surfer, of course, was based on the famous superhero with the same name. Sadly, the game did complete injustice to the character, simply because of how overwhelmingly difficult the game was. In the past, the Nerd had reviewed the game, but he still wanted to get through it to see the ending. On the other hand, he thought, the ending would most likely show a message saying, "The End." If the game was shitty, then indubitably, the ending was also shitty. He did not know what compelled him to play these games, but in his heart, he felt that it was something that must be done.

Just now he lost a life by touching a wall. Yes, you could die from touching a wall! And to make matters worse, the Nerd was treated to the image of Silver Surfer on his knees, with one arm over his eyes, trembling in defeat. That image haunted the Nerd's mind for all eternity.

The Nerd picked up his Rolling Rock beer and took a sip of the alcoholic beverage. He then placed it back on the ground and stood up from his seat. He walked over to his NES, removing the cartridge from the game console's slot. He brought the cartridge up to his face, glaring at it ferociously.

"You are a fucking waste of cow shit," the Nerd hissed at the cartridge. He turned to you, the readers, "Seriously, I don't know why I continue to pursue the ending of this game. The ending is probably just as bad as the fucking game itself. Even Contra wasn't piss hard. I still don't even understand the logic behind this game. You can die by touching a wall!? WHAT WERE THEY THINKING!?"

Before the Nerd could continue his rant, he heard the sound of a male voice calling out for help.

"Help! Help!" the voice cried out in terror. "Someone help!"

A shocked expression appeared on the Nerd's face; someone was in trouble! The Nerd dropped the game and hurried over to the window. He brought his head out so he could hear the voice's cry for help more fluently.

"Help!" the voice cried. "I can't get rid of these bad video games!"

The Nerd gasped in horror, "Holy dogturds! The foul scent of a shitty game invades the solitude of our peaceful cul-de-sac!"

A smirk of confidence appeared on his face; there was only one way to deal with this problem and restore peace to the city.

He pointed his finger up as he exclaimed, "This looks like a job for Captain Crappy Games!"

Overly excited that he was going to save the world from horrible video games, he forgot to acknowledge that his head was outside the window. He brought his head up too fast, resulting in banging it onto the top of his window. The Nerd winced as he felt the throbbing pain. He clenched his hands over his head in hopes of lessening the soreness.

"Ow!" the Nerd yelped in pain. "Fuck!"

The Nerd brought his head back into the room moments later. He hurried over to his door and turned the knob to open it. As the door opened all the way, he ran out of it and took a right down his short and narrow hallway. As he arrived at the end of the hallway, he saw the bathroom, or as he liked to call it, "The Anal Evacuation Station." The Nerd ran into the bathroom and shut the door behind him. After about a minute or two, the Nerd came out wearing a completely different costume. He was now dressed in what appeared to be a pink two piece bikini. Right away, he could tell that he was not wearing the right clothing. He looked down to see what he was dressed as. He gasped in surprise upon noticing, and he quickly scrambled to cover himself.

"Oh, shit!" the Nerd exclaimed in surprise. "How the hell did this get into my bathroom!?"

He scurried it back into the bathroom, slamming the door again. After about another thirty seconds or so, he came back out in his Nerd Attire; however, he had additional pieces of clothing on. He now donned a long brown bed sheet that was tucked into the back of his shirt collar to form a cape. On the front of his white shirt was a red insignia that had the silhouette of a piece of shit, resting right in the center of his chest. Over his eyes he wore a black mask, which appeared similar to that of Batman's sidekick, the Boy Wonder known as Robin. Over the mask were the Nerd's trademark glasses. Around his waist he wore a yellow utility belt that had slots full of Rolling Rock beer bottles. On the left side of the belt there was a holster that carried what appeared to be an old Nintendo Zapper gun.

On his right hand he wore a gigantic gray and black glove that had a bunch of buttons on it. This was the Power Glove, a device that was Nintendo's first time using motion sensitive technology for one of their systems. Unfortunately, the Power Glove was a huge failure in the video game industry because it was hardly functional; you barely had any control over the gameplay. Regardless, the Power Glove had helped the Nerd get out of some difficult situations, like the time he came face to face with the nightmarish villain known as Freddy Krueger. The Nerd, now known as Captain Crappy Games, placed his hands on his hips, and held his head high. It was time to dispose of some bad games.

"Fear not good gamers of Philadelphia!" the captain cried out heroically. "I, Captain Crappy Games, am here to release the wrath of my anal fluids upon the bad games that terrorize our tranquil community! For whenever the likes of bad gameplay, bad controls, bad camera angles, and graphics that'll make you shove a cactus up your dick, rear their ugly heads, then I will be there to brutally slaughter them with my dirty tongue of the fucks!"

He took a few steps forward while his hands were still placed firmly on his hips.

"It is time to take care of this crappy game catastrophe!" he announced in the tones of a cheesy super hero voice. "To the crap mobile!" He raised his left hand into the air while giving the middle finger. "Fuck, fuck, and away!!"

The Nerd proceeded down the hallway towards the kitchen, where the door to the garage was. As he made his way down there, the sounds of a guitar could be heard playing an upbeat tune; the tune that was playing sounded like the Batman theme song of the late 60's. As the Nerd passed by one of the rooms, a young man holding a guitar appeared in the doorway. He wore a brown leather jacket, and on his head was a brown leather hat. This was Kyle Justin, a close friend of the Nerd who played the songs for the Nerd's online show. He was now performing a new song in the style of the Batman theme.

_Crap man!_

The Nerd arrived in the kitchen and opened the door that went into the garage.

_Crap man_!

--

The song continued as the focus shifted to the street that the Nerd lived on.

_Crap man!_

A giant red car sports car could be seen driving down the road at speeds reaching over eighty miles an hour. As it reached a corner, it made a sharp left turn, which caused the wheels to let out an ear shattering screech. The car then drove down the new road with an engine that roared like a fierce lion. Seconds later, the Nerd approached the corner, riding on a bicycle, with a flag in the back that had the picture of a piece of crap embedded on it. The Nerd turned to, you, the readers with an enraged look.

"Hey, my financial status is melting faster than diarrhea boiling in a tea kettle," the Nerd snapped at the readers. "Were you expecting me to be driving in thousands of pounds of buffalo mucus!?"

_Crap man! _

The Nerd continued to ride down the road while the bystanders he passed by glared at him with strange looks.

_Crap man! Crap man! Crap man! _

And so the Nerd rode off towards his destination, which was the local video game store.

--

About twenty minutes later, the Nerd arrived at his destination, which was the local Gamestop. He brought his bike over to a bike-rack that was near by the entrance. The Nerd carefully got off the bike and took a bunch of locks to secure his bike, in hopes that it would not get stolen. (Then again, who'd want to steal a bike that had a picture of shit on it?) The Nerd walked up to the entrance of the store and pushed opened the door. Inside, he could notice that the store was more barren than a nudist colony during the winter. Not a single person was present within it. The only thing he could see were the bountiful amount of video games and accessories stacked neatly on the shelves. He turned to his left to see the store clerk at his desk. He could notice a look of despair in the clerk's eyes. Something was wrong, the Nerd thought.

The Nerd approached the counter to see if the clerk knew anything about what was going on. The clerk took notice of the Nerd and instantly raised an eyebrow upon seeing the Nerd's attire.

"And what're suppose to be?" the clerk asked the Nerd with a scoff. "A cosplayer?"

"Hell no!" the Nerd cried out in disgust. "I wouldn't be caught dead dressing up as a fucking cosplayer! Only overly obsessed masturbating fanboys dress up as cosplayers!" He pointed to himself with pride in his eyes, "I'm Captain Crappy Games!"

"Whatever," the man moaned in annoyance, and he responded rudely, "Listen, you gonna buy a game or not!?"

"What the hell!?" the Nerd asked, surprise by the way the clerk was treating him. "Is that anyway to treat your costumer!? I should complain to the manger!"

"I AM the manger, smart ass!" the man snapped at the Nerd. Realizing that he was taking it too far, he took a slow deep breath to calm himself down. After a few moments of catching his breath, he spoke again in a calmer tone. "You're right. You're right. I'm sorry. Look, it's just that we got a shipment of these new games in today, and they suck so hard that it scared off all the customers."

Unbeknownst to the manger, the Nerd's eyes lit up underneath his mask upon hearing the words, "the games suck." He realized, at this moment, that he located the source of the problem.

"Hey, I don't mean to be inquisitive or anything but where exactly are these games that suck?" the Nerd inquired as he rubbed his chin curiously.

The manger pointed to a small rectangular shaped box at the left edge of the counter. The Nerd strolled over to the box and glanced inside of it to see four black cases. As he carefully observed the cases, he could already feel it in his stomach that these games were horrible. Even right now he had a problem with them.

"Okay, I can tell right off the bat that these games are bad!" the Nerd remarked as he spoke in his usual harsh voice. "For starters, the damn cases don't have side labels on them. How completely and utterly inconvenient! It's so much easier to just scan my eyeballs to see which games they are instead of manually taking each game out to identify what it is. That's just a complete fucking waste of regurgitated cat piss landing in your fucking asshole! Did these asswipes decide to take a page from Atari's oh so innovational idea to not label their 5200 games!?"

An impressed expression appeared on the manger's face; he became amazed by the Nerd's seemingly vast knowledge of bad video games despite the vulgar language projected from his mouth.

"Wow," the man said awestricken. "You can tell it's a bad game just by looking at the labels? That's pretty impressive."

The Nerd shrugged modestly, "It's kinda my thing."

The Nerd picked up the box with his right hand, and then, he approached the counter. The man glared at the Nerd with a look of disbelief.

"Wait, are you actually going to buy these games?" the man gasped in surprise.

"Listen buddy, it's my job to keep the streets safe of bad video games," the Nerd explained. "We can't let people get hoaxed by the games that get shat out of game developer's asses every year..."

"Alright, alright," the man interrupted, growing annoyed with the Nerd's rambling. "Enough! Look, just take the games and get out of my store! I've had a stressful day, and the last thing I need is some weirdo named Captain Crappy Pants coming in here wearing a Power Glove!"

"That's Captain Crappy Games, you fucktard!" the Nerd corrected him spitefully.

The man, no longer able to tolerate the Nerd's presence in his store, went under his counter and pulled out a heavy duty shotgun. The Nerd instantly felt his heart skip a beat in fear; he was royally fucked! Without giving it a second thought, he scurried out the door with the games in hand. As he got outside onto the streets, he ran over to his bike and placed the games in a basket located on the front of it. He wiped his forehead, knowing he dodged a bullet, literally!

"Phew!" the Nerd sighed in relief. "Since when were people at Gamestop permitted to carry guns on them? Anyhow, now that I have the games, it's time to go home and review these bastards. Fuck, fuck, and away!"

And so the Nerd got into his "crap mobile" and rode away towards his house, where he was about unleash his wrath upon four new video games.

--

About another twenty minutes later, the Nerd returned back to his apartment, exhausted and breathless. After all, he was a Nerd who did nothing but play shitty video games; he did not do much physical labor, so he tired quickly. The Nerd returned to the solitude of his video game room and sat down in his chair, as he held the games with both hands. Then, he placed the box on the floor. After taking a few more moments to catch his breath from the extensive amount of exercise he got, he took his mask off and placed on the ground. Next, he placed his glasses back on, sighing.

"Man, I should really workout more often," the Nerd muttered to himself.

He turned to the readers to speak them yet again

As he spoke, he was still out of breath, "Alright, now, whatdya' say we fire these motherfuckers up? However, before we start reviewing these games, there is something I should address. Now, I know I'm supposed to be a retro gamer who reviews old video games. I mean, hell, it's even in my song, right?"

As if on cue, Kyle Justin suddenly peeked his head in from the door, holding his guitar with both of his arms. He then proceeded to play the first line of the Nerd's theme song.

"He's gonna take you back to the past..." Kyle sung out with loud but gentle voice.

After he finished the line, he nodded to the Nerd and dismissed himself from the room.

The Nerd nodded to Kyle in response and turned his attention back to the readers.

"Exactly." the Nerd said. "So you might be surprised to find out that I actually plan to review a next-gen console game. Yep. You heard me right; I'm gonna be reviewing games on the Nintendo Wii, the XBOX360, and the Playstation Pee..erm..I mean three. Why am I doing this? It's because these games NEED to be reviewed badly! They are THAT bad! Like, how bad? Well, my crappy-senses have never tingled this much since Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde. I mean, these are the epitome of all games that suck so hard, it'll make you wanna rip your fucking fingers off and eat them in a bowl of Honey Nut Cheerios!"

There was a long pause for a few moments as the Nerd glared at the readers with an indifferent expression. Then, his expression turned into an overly exaggerated grin. The Nerd slowly leaned closer towards, you, the reader, and let out a small chuckle.

"But….that's not the worst part," the Nerd said as he shook his head. "You wanna know what the worse part is?"

The Nerd went through the box of the four video games and pulled out one of them. His face suddenly changed into his trademark frustrated look as he glared at the game he just pulled out with a passion of hate in his eyes.

"IT FEATURES THE FUCKING ODDHEROES!!" the Nerd blared out as he glowered at the box.

The box cover showed a picture of one of the OddHeroes. The Oddhero on the cover was known as Ninjetta. In fact, the title of the game itself was called Ninjetta. The title showed her swinging forward, almost like the cover for a Spider-Man game.

"Why would these game developers make a game about the OddHeroes?" the Nerd continued. "I mean, these guys have saved the world so many times that it's hard to keep count anymore. They're not like fictional heroes such as Superman or Wonder Woman...well at least in our world anyways. These are real fucking people who've done so much for us! So the point here is that we OWE it to these fucking game designers to do them JUSTICE!"

The Nerd took a moment to catch his breath, namely by drinking a beer. After taking a couple of sips, the Nerd placed the bottle back on his belt and sighed. He picked up the game again, glaring at it with a now composed look on his face.

"To be honest though," the Nerd spoke up. "I haven't played the games yet, so I can't really say if they suck. Who knows? Maybe the store clerk made a mistake, and maybe my senses are bullshitting me." He paused upon realizing what he said. "Actually, I doubt it, but if there is even a small chance that this game is good, then may Superman burn my dick off with his heat vision and feed it to alligators. But, before we get started with this review, I should probably give some of you people who've been living under a rock for the last few years a crash course on the OddHeroes."

The Nerd stood up and walked over to his desk, which was located behind his chair. The Nerd approached the desk and picked up three pictures with his right hand. He showed the three pictures towards the readers. The first picture showed a teenager dressed in a Ninja outfit. The second picture showed a teenage boy with hair as white as snow, and eyes that were as green as a shiny emerald. The third picture showed a teenage robot girl with a white and green coating on her body.

"These three are the founding members of the Oddheroes," the Nerd explained. "The OddHeroes are a group of Super Heroes who protect the world from evil; sort of like the Super Friends, the Justice League, or whatever the fuck they're called nowadays."

He focused his eyes on the Ninja girl. "The three members are Ninjetta,"

He shifted his gaze to the picture of the ghost boy,

"Danny Phantom,"

He looked at the last picture with the robot girl.

"And Jenny."

He placed the pictures back on his desk.

"All three of these kids started out as heroes in their hometowns, battling their own foes and doing whatever other shit they do in their normal lives." the Nerd continued.

The Nerd picked up a group of pictures, all of which had images of Ninjetta on them. One could instantly tell that they were fan-made art pictures. The Nerd held up the first picture, which shows Ninjetta stopping bullets like what Neo from the Matrix did.

"Ninjetta here operates in Los Angeles," the Nerd said as he elaborated on each member. "She has the skills of a Ninja, naturally, but as you can see from the picture here, she has other powers, like Telepathy."

He shrugged his shoulders, "Yeah, don't ask me, 'cause I don't know why the fuck she has those. At least unlike Silver the Shithead from Sonic Next Gen, her powers are cool!"

The Nerd held up another picture of her holding a long sword. You could notice the burning fire of justice igniting in her eyes as she held it with both hands.

"She wields a kick ass sword, sais, and ninja stars," the Nerd continued with excitement. "She's badass!"

He showed yet another fan art picture. This one showed wavy lines above her head. The Nerd could not help but shake his head in disgust as he glanced at this picture.

"Some of her abilities, I swear, she ripped them right off from Spider-Man," the Nerd said with an incredulous glare in his eyes. "Like this so called Ninja Senses of her's. I hope Spidey sues her for that! Some money might help ease the pain from him playing all those shitty game adaptations of himself. I also heard a rumor that Ninjetta used to have webbings like Spider-Man, but I'm not sure about that."

He showed one more picture of her; this one showed Ninjetta with her hands placed firmly on her hips.

"Plus, she's the leader of both the Oddtrio and the Oddheroes," the Nerd concluded with her. "So you know not to fuck around with her!"

As he concluded with Ninjetta, he placed the pictures back on his desk and picked up a set of pictures featuring Danny Phantom on them. The first picture he displayed showed a spectacular picture of Danny flying diagonally with green ecto blasts in his hands.

"Next we have young Danny Fenton," the Nerd said, introducing the next hero. "When he was just fourteen, his parents built a very strange machine. I'm sure you can tell what happened next. He stepped into his parents' ghost portal and got zapped when it was turned on. This allowed him to become half ghost, and have access to all sorts of sweet powers, like flight and energy attacks..."

He showed another picture of Danny phasing through walls.

"Invisibility and intangibility..."

The next picture was of Danny shooting "ice breath" out of his mouth.

"Ice powers..." the Nerd said with a flabbergasted tone in his voice.

He shrugged, unsure of himself, "I dunno why that is. Maybe it has to do with the whole 'Ghosts can make rooms cold' bullshit. Who knows. He's also the son of some fucking Ghostbusters rip off ghost hunters, but never mind that."

The next picture showed Danny flying around with a girl dressed all in black, who appeared to be wearing an outfit similar to Danny's.

"He even has a girlfriend, who also happens to be his partner," the Nerd added. "Somehow she has ghost powers too, and they, along with their other friends kick some serious ghost ass in their home town of Amity Park."

The Nerd smirked, "Of course, I doubt they can take on the Ghostbusters, but again, that's just me."

The Nerd once again placed the pictures back on his desk and gathered the pictures of Jenny together.

"And last but certainly not least is Jenny X-J9," the Nerd said as he held up a picture of her in her battle armor. "She was manufactured by some old bat named Nora Wakeman, who lives in a town called Tremorton. She built Jenny to combat some alien robot race called the Cluster, led by..."

He showed a picture of Jenny's arch enemy, Queen Vexus," Some bitch named Queen Venus or Vexus, or whatever the hell she's called."

He showed a picture of Jenny lifting up a huge bolder.

"Originally said to have the strength of a million and seventy men," the Nerd pointed out. "Why the additional seventy? I don't know! Do I look like the jackass that came up with that estimation? However, since she had some upgrades her power has tripled!"

The next picture showed Jenny holding a Rocket Launcher in her right hand.

"She has all sorts of gadgets inside of her, such as rocket launchers..."

The next picture showed her with a sword.

"Swords..."

The next image with her holding a gun.

"Blasters..."

The next picture shown caused the Nerd to raise an eyebrow. This one had her hand in the shape of the shovel.

"Uh...a shovel?" the Nerd said questionably.

But it got stranger. As he showed the next picture, he was baffled to see her entire body in the form of a swing set; and kids were actually playing on it.

"And a...uh...what the fuck?" the Nerd said as he looked at the image in confusion.

He switched to a picture of Jenny smiling.

"The point is, she's the definitive power house of the team; but just because she's a robot, doesn't mean she's cold." the Nerd explained. "She's got real emotions just like you and me. She also has a teenage sidekick..."

The Nerd showed Jenny standing next to a younger looking robot girl.

"...named Jewel," the Nerd continued. "There's a rumor that she is an android, too." His voice started to rise again. "How the fuck can a girl like her be a robot!? I mean if anything, she'd be like be cyborg or some shit like the fucking Terminator! Oh, and here's the icing on the top of the vanilla coated shit cake: I heard that she's Jenny's daughter! How the hell can a robot have CHILDREN!? Did some fucking waffle iron decide to have hardcore sex with her and ejaculate oil into her mainframe? And how could the child be a teenager already!? Wasn't Jenny activated like five years ago? Whatever! I'm not going to waste my time figuring it out."

The Nerd took a moment to compose himself yet again before he concluded,

"But, yeah, she's a super strong robot with a super strong heart," the Nerd said, finishing his little explanation on the Odd Trio.

The Nerd returned to his chair, and sat down with a smile.

"So those are the Odd Heroes in a nutshell," he said. "As you can see, these guys are awesome, and they could make Batman shit in his bat-underwear...twice! So you'd think that these game designers would actually put a lot of time and effort into making a game to honor them." He then held up the Ninjetta game. "Well, let's pop this bitch in and find out."

The Nerd went over to his entertainment system and opened a drawer that was underneath his television. Inside of it was a thin white remote with a transparent jacket over it. Next to it was a small controller that had a joystick on it. On the bottom, it had a loose wire. The Nerd pulled the two out, and connected the wire to the bottom of the remote.

"I think it would only be fitting to review a game on the Wii first," the Nerd said as he held up the controller. "After all, I was the Angry Nintendo Nerd at one point, so you can tell I'm a big Nintendo fan. Unlike the other two consoles, this baby uses motion sensitive technology to play the games, and I have to say, it works pretty well."

As he said that, his eyes slowly rolled over to a certain gray glove that rested on his hand. Already, he could feel his blood start to boil again as he curved his hand into a fist.

"At least its functional," the Nerd stated with a vicious tone in his voice. "unlike this fist full of shit on my hand."

Turning his attention back to the game, he opened the case and took out the disk. He placed the disk inside the console and watched as the disk got sucked into it like a vacuum. He returned to his seat and waited for the warning screen to show up. Picking up the controller, he pressed the "A" button on the Wii remote, which prompted the screen to change to the Wii menu. On the Wii menu, the Nerd clicked the channel that started a game inserted into the disk. This, in turn, brought up the title of the game. A little animation showed a silhouette of Ninjetta having her left arm in the air and her right knee bent up. Animated yellow flowers flourished behind her as the title came into view. The Nerd clicked the button on the bottom that said, "Start Game" and finally started the game up.

The Nerd waited patiently; the only sound he could hear was the Wii purring like a lion as it loaded up the game. Finally, an image appeared on the screen. The image was the logo of the company that made the game. The logo had two "Go's," one right inside of the other. The full logo read, "Go Go Games." The Nerd shook his head while he frowned..

"Go Go Games? More like Go Go Take a Shit!" the Nerd grumbled.

He turned to the readers with a chuckle, "And you wanna know what's funny about the company that made this game? In the past, these guys have made great games such as Attack of the Amazons, The Onslaught, and other games that kick ass! So you'd expect this to be GOLD too, right? I mean who better to bring Ninjetta to the real world, right? Right?"

He resumed watching the television screen. After a few more seconds, the Nerd was greeted with an introduction cinematic. What he saw next horrified him beyond belief. He saw what appeared to be a city coming into view. The thing that terrified him the most was the graphics looked so blocky. Every model was a polygon, from the grass, to the buildings, and to the people walking down the streets. The game was about as good looking as a title on the Nintendo 64, or maybe even worse.

"What the shit is this!?" the Nerd exclaimed. "What, did I accidentally load up an N64 game on the Virtual Console or something? Look how blocky this is! Now I know when it comes to graphics the Wii isn't exactly a contender with the other consoles, but this is ludicrous! These graphics are horrible! Even a fucking dos game has more appeal than this hunk of horse shit! And look at how gray and bland the buildings are! Were they inspired by the Ghostbusters game for the NES?"

The Nerd continued to watch as the camera zoomed into city. As it zoomed in, the Nerd noticed that the buildings were, surprisingly, getting bigger

"We're moving into...I think...it's LA...I'm not too sure," the Nerd said with a questioned expression. He lifted his glasses up to look closer at it. "And look...the buildings...they're 'growing' as you get closer. Please! Someone! Anyone! Tell me what the fuck I'm looking at!?"

The camera zoomed into the top of one of the building, where the Nerd noticed Ninjetta perched up at the top, looking around carefully.

"Great, now we're getting to the fun part." the Nerd said with sarcasm in his voice..

All of a sudden, the loud scream of a woman could be heard.

"Help! Help!" the woman shrieked in terror.

Ninjetta reacted to the sound by scanning the area quickly but carefully. The game's camera cuts to Ninjetta's point of view. Her point of view focused on an ally located right across from her. The camera zoomed into see two big tall men with squared chests beating up an old lady. The way they punched looked very odd; they kept their arms right at their waist side and they kept moving them back and forth in the same pattern. The camera shifted back to Ninjetta, who gracefully leaped off the building. At that moment, the scene faded to black. The Nerd knew that it was game time, so he readied the controllers. Finally, the camera came on Ninjetta, just standing there, ready to go. It was time to start the review.


	3. Chapter II

A/N: While I am only focusing on Chain of Memories: The Nintendo Version, any co-written projects will still get updated; this included.

**Chapter II: Captain Crappy Games Meets Ninjetta**

The Nerd had just finished watching the lackluster opening cinematic for the Ninjetta game. Currently, he was in control of his character, and he could not help but criticize the game right off the bat.

"Okay, that cutscene sucked," the Nerd said, stating the obvious. "The character models are polygon-like. They look worse than the models in Final Fantasy VII! Also, look at Ninjetta; it doesn't even look like her!"

Indeed, Ninjetta was wearing a black stereotypical ninja outfit that did not have any special decoration. In fact, due to the poor graphics, she did not even look like a ninja at all.

"Ninjetta did not wear some stereotypical SWAT team outfit," the Nerd complained with a scowling look. "Oh, and you wanna know what else is bullshit? I can't even tell it's her at all! Doesn't she have two little round balls..erm..I mean buns in her hair? 'Cause clearly I can't see any. Eh, fuck it; let's just start playing."

Taking his eyes off of Ninjetta, he examined the area for a moment, taking in the details. The Nerd started to become confused by his surroundings. From the looks of things, he was just thrown right into the game without any indication on where the old lady was located.

"Okay, the first problem I'm having is where the hell am I suppose to go?" the Nerd asked rhetorically. "In most traditional 3D games you usually get an objective -- which I'm assuming is saving the lady from the muggers; but the problem is you usually get a hint as to where you need to go. From the looks of things though, it looks like I have to fend for myself. At least they could've given you a map of the area or somethin', ya fuckers."

He tried to move the joystick forward to see if Ninjetta would move in that direction. Sadly, it took about .10 of a second for her to respond to the joysticks movement. The Nerd could not help but rub his hand across his forehead in discontent

"Oh, great," the Nerd sighed. "The control is delayed. It feels really awkward moving her like this. Naturally when you give a basic command you'd EXPECT the response to be immediate, like when someone kicks you in the nuts, your body immediately response to it with pain. So why was it so difficult for them to make the response time to the controls immediate?"

Suddenly, the Nerd heard the faint sound of the woman's shrill for help coming from the right. He could only wince at how annoying the voice sounded.

"Jesus!" the Nerd hissed in irritation. "What an annoying voice! Alright, alright! I'm coming to rescue your ass, you whiny fuckin' bitch! I guess I have to follow the sound of her voice, sorta like in Legend of Zelda: Ocarina of Time when you have to follow the tune of Sara's Song to navigate through the Lost Woods."

The Nerd proceeded to turn Ninjetta towards the direction of the sound, which came from the right. Seeing that there was nothing but air in front of him, he assumed that he needed to jump off the building -- which he did seconds later. When he did make her jump off, Ninjetta instantly dropped faster than a boulder falling towards the ground. The Nerd jumped out of his seat in surprise upon seeing that.

"What the hell!?" the Nerd exclaimed. "Did you see that!? It took her one second to fall down a thirty story building!? How unrealistic can you get? And, also, while she fell, her walking animation kept going. It should be a falling animation; or is this how she falls with style? Wow. They really put a lot of thought into the character animation, y'know? Well, at least I'm on the ground."

The Nerd moved Ninjetta northwest of the city, following the sounds of the woman's voice. For a few moments, the Nerd did not seem to be encountering any enemies, or people for that matter. Suddenly, a polygon shaped rabbit hopped out from the corner of the area and leaped onto Ninjetta. A blank expression appeared on the Nerd's face as he watched the rabbit bite down on Ninjetta's neck.

"Oh, my, god!" the Nerd cried. "It's a killer bunny out to get me! But why is it even a bunny in the first place? Since when did Ninjetta go around getting into scuffles with bunnies? This is completely out of context! Have you ever heard of a video game where a rabbit comes out of nowhere to kick your ass? This is the most random thing I've ever seen in a video game...period!"

The Nerd saw a picture of the Wii remote appearing on the left corner of the screen as Ninjetta fought the rabbit. He noticed two blue arrows on the side of it; one pointing left and one pointing right. This was signifying that the Nerd had to shake the Wii remote. For some reason, he had a strong hunch that this gimmick was a blatant rip-off of Resident Evil 4: Wii Edition. As he scanned the screen, he noticed a picture of Ninjetta's face on the top right of the screen. Next to her face was a green bar, depleting at an alarming rate.

"Shitly Wings!" the Nerd cried in fear as he shook the Wiimote. He continued to shake the Wiimote, but to his surprise, he found it had little effect. "Come on! Get offa me, you stupid bunny bitch!"

The Nerd continued to shake the Wii Remote with all of his might, in hopes that he might be able to shoo the rabbit off of him. Already, he could feel the muscles in his wrist start to strain from shaking it so much. Suddenly, the Nerd released his grip from the remote, and both the remote and nunchuck flew out of his hands. The Nintendo controller and add-on flew right out of the window, breaking the glass in the process. The Nerd heard the sounds of a man screaming in pain moments later.

"Ow!" the man cried.

The Nerd winced upon realizing a man crossed paths with his controller. He soon realized that when he started playing, he forgot to attach the strap of the Wii Remote to his wrist, hence why it flew out of his hands so easily.

"Ooh, damn it!" the Nerd said to himself in frustration. "I always forget about that shitty strap!" He glanced out the window with a worried expression, knowing that he accidentally hit someone with the controller. "I hope I don't get sued for that."

Letting out a heavy sigh, the Nerd stood up and walked over to a drawer that was to the left of the entertainment system. On the drawer, he noticed a sticky note that was labeled, "Spare Wii Remote and Nunchuck in case you forget to wear the strap, you dumb shit!" The Nerd opened the drawer, and sure enough, there was an extra pair in there. The Nerd picked up the spare and sat back down in his seat. As he sat down, he could see Ninjetta was back at the beginning of the stage. He turned to the readers as he held the Wii remote up.

"One piece of advise about the Wii Remote, folks," the Nerd said, advising the readers. "Don't ever play a game without wearing the fucking strap! This fucker could one day bring down a whole orphanage! Anyway, why was it so difficult to shake the Wii Remote? It shouldn't be this hard for the motion sensitivity to work! Your wrist, let alone your entire arm will become pretty damn tired from waving that thing around like an asshole. The motion sensory is broken beyond all belief! Well, let's give it another go."

Thus, the Nerd began the level again. He started by "falling" off the building, and then he followed the old lady's voice. As he got closer to it, the rabbit appeared again and attacked Ninjetta.

"Not again!" the Nerd exclaimed. He shook the Wii Remote again. "Work you stupid white dildo!"

The Nerd continued shaking the Wii remote until Ninjetta finally got the rabbit off of her. As she let go of it, the rabbit went right through her chest, came out of her buttock area and landed on the ground. The Nerd just glared in disbelief.

"Okkaayy..." the Nerd said with a stumped looked. "Tell me I did not just see that. She got the rabbit off, but it went right THROUGH her! What a horrible glitch! Gee, I didn't know Ninjetta could perform magic tricks with a rabbit."

He imitated Bullwinkle the Moose, "Hey Rocky, watch me pull a rabbit out of my ass."

The Nerd was completely bewildered; it was already the first five minutes of the game and already it had "shit" written all over it. This game made Superman 64 look like Super Mario 64 in comparison.

"Wow. What. A. Piece. Of. Shit," the Nerd said, putting emphasis on each word. He resumed his normal speech. "This really is a bad game, and this is just the first level! But hey, I shouldn't jump the gun just yet. Perhaps it will get better down the road. Let's find out."

The Nerd continued to move Ninjetta through the city until he arrived at an alleyway. Upon arrival, he could hear the woman's annoying voice call for help again. The Nerd could only grimace at the mind-numbing sound being emitted from the alleyway.

"Aw, man," the Nerd groaned. "Shut up! That scream is so annoying! I must give kudos to the voice actor who voiced this innocent woman. It's top notch -- more like top shit in your pants! It's so painful to listen to! I feel like at any moment my brain is gonna melt from this scream that sounds worse than nails on a fucking chalkboard."

As his character approached the alleyway, noticed there was a green garbage dumpster, serving as a blockade.

"Alright, so I'm here in the ally where the woman is, but why the bitch is there a garbage dumpster blocking my way?" the Nerd asked. "That doesn't make sense at all! People can't just appear behind it, can they? Did they climb over it? Looks pretty impossible since it's huge. Guess I have to jump."

The Nerd pressed the "A button" on the controller. Unexpectedly, instead of jumping, it caused a blue compass to appear on the upper left corner of the screen.

"W-what's going on?" the Nerd said with a confused stutter "I didn't want a compass. I wanna jump over the building! At least a compass is helpful to get around the vicinity, but I still can't figure out how to jump!"

The Nerd tried the "B button" on the back of the Wii Remote, which caused Ninjetta to shoot a ninja star out. At least you have some form of offense, he thought. But, still no dice. He pressed every single button, including exhausting every single button combination. Still no luck! At last, he gave up. He was on the verge of killing himself at this point. He slowly turned towards the readers; his face looked like it was about to pop like a cork.

"Okay, I have one question," the Nerd spoke up calmly. He lifted his middle finger into the air as he said, "One...fucking...question."

He brought his hand back down and continued.

"This is a game that requires you to jump over obstacles, right? So why is...THERE NO FUCKING JUMP BUTTON!? I'm dead fucking serious! I tried every damn button on here, and not one of them allows me to jump. Jumping is the only possible way to get over this thing. I mean, look! I can't go around it or underneath it! The dumpster is practically taking up the whole fucking space! I don't know what to do!"

As the Nerd raised the Wii Remote accidentally, he saw Ninjetta finally jump into the air and grab onto the dumpster. The Nerd felt his jaw drop as he noticed this.

"Are you KIDDING me!?" the Nerd shouted at the top of his lungs. "I have to tilt the Wiimote UP to jump!? That's just plain bullshit! Usually the jump button in a Nintendo game is A. For example: in Super Mario Galaxy all you do is press the A button and you can jump. Easy, right? But no...not with this game. You have to tilt the Wiimote up! Tilting this bastard up can be such a nuisance because sometimes you may unintentionally move the Wiimote upward, like if you're trying to adjust it into comfortable position on your hand. With that in mind, you could make a mistake while you're tilting it up! This is stupid! I'd rather clean a Walrus' butthole with a q-tip than put up with these controls."

The Nerd titled the Wii remote up again, allowing Ninjetta to pull herself up. Then, he moved Ninjetta into the alleyway. The scene faded to black, and a cutscene ensued. The cutscene showed two big men cornering a poor defenseless woman. The two men slowly made their way towards the woman like two wolves stalking their pray. All hope seemed lost for the woman, when suddenly, Ninjetta made her entrance by flipping over the two thugs, and landing in front of them.

"Not so fast!" Ninjetta cried heroically with a dorky and irritating voice. "You leave that lady alone! Why don't you pick on someone your own size?"

The Nerd could not bear to hear Ninjetta's voice. It sounded so obnoxious and corny.

"Boy, another academy award winning performance." the Nerd said sarcastically.

The scene faded to black afterwards, and after a few seconds of waiting, the screen faded in. It showed the camera behind Ninjetta as she faced off with the two criminals. Two red bars appeared on the bottom left on the screen. This must have indicated the boss' health.

"Alright, now it's time to kick some ass," the Nerd said with enthusiasm. "Time to serve up some justice! Eat ninja stars, ya fat fucks!"

The Nerd fired ninja stars at the enemy on the left. When he did, he was surprised to see that the stars curved right, and they just narrowly missed the enemy.

"Oh, you gotta love this," the Nerd said in amazement. "Ninja stars that are thrown straight ahead but curve. This makes it harder to hit someone. Now I have to set up my shots more carefully so that the stars can precisely hit the designated target, and that's always a real shit sucker to do."

The Nerd continued spamming the Ninja stars while he carefully planned out each shot. Unfortunately, he ran out of ninja stars exceedingly fast. Now he was stuck using his fists.

"Oh, no! Don't tell me I'm out of ninja stars already?" the Nerd moaned in annoyance. "Never mind! From what I know, to punch you need to move both the Wiimote and Nunchuck forward, much like the boxing game in Wii Sports. It shouldn't be too hard to pull off. Come here so I can knock your fucking skulls out like Rocky does!"

He moved Ninjetta towards the first man and thrust the Wiimote forward. Thankfully, Ninjetta responded instantly to the command, but not entirely in the way he was expecting it to. She did throw a punch at him, but it was with her left hand. What was the problem with that? Well, the Wiimote was in the Nerd's right hand when he did it.

The Nerd thought he lost his mind just now. Did that really just happen? It must have been some terrible dream that he could not escape from, no matter how hard he tried to run from it.

"Oh...my...god!" the Nerd said, now to the point of losing his mind. "I can't believe this! No...fucking...way! I have to punch left to punch right and punch right to punch left!? Hasn't this game broken enough logic already!? That's like if you're taking a piss through your ass while you take a crap through your dick! That's fucking ridiculous! This is going to take a while to get used to -- especially since I have to go against common sense."

He then muttered under his breath, "What a shitload of fuck."

At this point, the Nerd had enough. Just from playing through this level he could tell it truly was abysmal. Nether the less, he decided to press on, because after all, it was his job to review this game thoroughly, so that he could dispose of it afterwards.

"Well, better try to beat these bosses." the Nerd sighed.

The Nerd continuously threw punches while trying to get used to punching with the opposite hand.

"This is so uncomfortable!" the Nerd complained. "At times I find myself punching with the wrong arm! But you wanna know what's funny? I'm ACTUALLY winning the battle! No joke! How am I winning this easily? It's because the AI is as stupid as a walnut."

What the Nerd said was true! While both bosses were moving around the room with their fists up, they did not even try to attack Ninjetta. The Nerd continued his assault on the first boss until he depleted his life bar completely. The defeated thug fell onto his back and disappeared. The Nerd then focused on the second thug and easily disposed of him too.

"I can't believe this," the Nerd said astonishment. "Even with the fucked up controls I still beat them with little effort. They didn't even try to fight back at all. No punch, no kick, no nothing. I'd like a little challenge at least.

A cutscene occurred from winning the battle, which showed Ninjetta helping the woman onto her feet.

"Are you okay, ma'am?" Ninjetta asked the woman in concern.

The Nerd cringed back at the awful voice he was hearing. This was clearly not Ninjetta's voice, because he had heard her voice before when she was interviewed on television.

"Oh, god, this voice is awful!" the Nerd groaned.

He pressed the mute button on his regular remote to avoid listening any further.

He turned to the readers, "Words alone cannot describe how dreadful the voice acting for Ninjetta is. She sounds like she's getting run over by a steamroller. I'd rather listen to Vector the Crocodile from Shadow the Hedgehog say, 'get to the computer room' repeatedly than listen to this ear ache of a voice. She sounds way better than this, because I've heard her voice before on TV! In fact, why didn't they just ask her to voice herself in the game? Well, let me answer my own question; she'd probably want nothing to do with this tub of dog piss if she actually saw it."

He let out a huge sigh; he was in need of a break from playing this game. He thought his mind was about to slip into the world of insanity.

"Man, I need a beer. Anymore of this shit and I think I'm going to be like Ash from Evil Dead 2 and cut my fucking hand off!" the Nerd announced.

* * *

As the Nerd went to take a break, he was completely oblivious to the fact that he was not alone. Something, or rather, someone had just made its way to the top of the Nerd's roof. A shadowy figure could be seen standing on his roof, looking over the entire area like a hawk. The mysterious figure appeared to be female, based on the way her body was structured. It was unknown as to why this strange person was on the roof, but if you were to look into her eyes, you could see a flame of rage ignite within them.

The stranger had been listening to the sounds of the Nerd's insidious tongue, as he ranted on about the Ninjetta game. Clearly, the stranger was disgusted by what the Nerd said. Why she was disgusted was anyone's guess, but one thing was certain: she wanted to find out why he spoke these offensive words.

She slowly crawled off the edge of the roof. Her movements were like a turtle but deadly like a snake as she came towards the edge of it. Suddenly, she did something unexpected; she grabbed onto the wall! She was almost like Spider-Man, infiltrating the lair of one of his arch-enemies. She continues to crawl down the side of the wall until she came to an opened window. The enigmatic person glared into the window to see the Nerd taking a sip of his Rolling Rock. When he finished, he resumed his rant on the voice acting. The figure remained silent and emotionless as she listened to every word the Nerd said.

"I will give them some credit," the Nerd said. "At least they had the courtesy to put in subtitles so we wouldn't have to endure Ninjetta's annoying and awful voice."

* * *

The figure's eyes widened; she was stunned upon hearing what the Nerd said about Ninjetta's voice. Her eyes suddenly changed from shocked to resentful in an instant. The flames in her eyes turned into an inferno tower of death that was worse than the bowels of hell itself. She was so fed up with hearing him say these things that she spoke up, forgetting to realize that she was trying to remain silent.

"Awful voice?" the person mumbled.

Suddenly, her mind snapped back into reality upon realizing she said that out loud. Her greatest fear came to fruition; the Nerd heard her! The Nerd shook his head in surprise upon hearing someone speak up from the right side of him.

"What the fuck was that?" the Nerd said with a gasp.

The Nerd jerked his head towards the direction of his window. The figure took notice of this and brought her head up, just as the Nerd came to face the window. Nobody was there, he thought to himself. However, just because he did not see anyone, it did not mean he was going to take it easy yet. A look of suspicion appeared on his face; he had a feeling that he was not alone. The Nerd turned his head away and resumed playing the game. Moments later, the Nerd felt his spine shiver; he had a feeling that someone was stalking him. He turned back to the window again, only to see the tree that stood right in front of his house.

At this point, he knew that he was not going to take a chance, considering he had dealt with odd and intimating strangers before.

The Nerd got up and walked over to his window. He stuck his head out and glanced around at the area. Everything appeared to be normal. He could see people on the streets going about their daily lives; he saw one guy getting taken away on a stretcher, because he fell off his bike when he got hit in the head by a strange white remote with a funny attachment. The Nerd gulped upon seeing that; he hoped they did not find him out. Returning back to the matter at hand, the Nerd continued to scan the area. Nothing out of the ordinary could be seen. Shrugging his shoulders, he slowly retracted his head into the window.

The figure, who had been hanging right above the Nerd's window, waited patiently for him to close it. Normally when one would feel stalked, you would expect them to close the window. To her surprise though, the window was still opened. Seconds later, she heard the sound of the game becoming un-paused. It became evident that the Nerd resumed playing his game. She peeked her head back in…only to come face to face with a young man with an enraged look on his face.

"Holy shiticles!" the Nerd exclaimed as he glared evilly at the person. "My crappy-senses detect a fuckin' bitch stalking me!"

Before the figure had a chance to react, she could feel the Nerd's hands grab a hold of her shoulders and pull her into his room. He quickly threw her onto the hard wooden ground of his video game room. The figure felt her spine tremble as it impacted the hard floor. The figure lightly grunted because of that. The Nerd hastily got out his zapper gun, and pointed it directly at the figure. The mysterious figure shook her head from the slight pain she just experienced, and veered her eyes towards the gun. She instantly raised an eyebrow upon seeing some nerd threatening her with a toy gun.

"Don't move!" the Nerd shouted at her defensively. "I gotta zapper, and I do know how to use it. One move and I'll blast your genitalia so far that it will fuck one guy from every single continent before it gets back here!"

The figure, who was depicted in a ninja outfit, thought that this was some joke. He was threatening her with a toy gun? Was this guy for real?

Before the Nerd spoke again, he took a closer look at who he pulled into the house. Almost instantly, he dropped his zapper onto the floor in surprise, because he recognized her. The lady he pulled inside and threatened was in fact the very star of the game he was playing. It was none other than Ninjetta herself!

"Holy fucking shit on a rump roast!!" the Nerd blared out in shock. "It's Ninjetta!"

There was only one thing he could say in responses to this sudden revelation.

"Aw, man. I'm sorry," the Nerd apologized sincerely. "I didn't know it was you."

Ninjetta slowly got to her feet, and shook her head, "Yeah. How about next time you clean the poop off your glasses before you make that assumption, pointdexter."

Before the Nerd could response, Ninjetta placed her hands on her hips and looked over the Nerd's attire. The Nerd started to feel uncomfortable as he watched Ninjetta look over him strangely.

"What are you looking at?" the Nerd asked curiously. "Are you looking at the piss stain that's on my pants from you scaring the hell out of me?"

"No," Ninjetta replied with a shake of her head. "It's just….what's with the Superhero getup?" She scoffed, "Who are you supposed to be? A dorky version of Captain S?"

The Nerd sniffed in offense upon hearing her compare him to the hero of the Sega Universe, Captain S. Once, the Nerd had to reluctantly help Captain S save Christmas when he was sucked into the television by Captain S's arch-nemesis, Nigel Edmund Silverman. He resented Ninjetta's remark about how, he, Captain Crappy Games, was being compared to some short superhero who jerked off to Sonic the Hedgehog and other titles made by Sega.

"Hey, I ain't that short shithead who probably thinks the Sega CD is the holey fucking grail of all gamming consoles," the Nerd replied with a frown. He pointed to himself. "I'm Captain Crappy Games! Or, you can refer to me as the Nerd."

Ninjetta raised her eyebrow again; she had seen a lot of superheroes in her time, but none as strange as this one.

"You're kidding, right?" Ninjetta said as a scoff slowly escaped her mouth. "You're a superhero that plays video games? What kind of good does that do for the world?"

"Hey, I'll ask the questions around here," the Nerd snapped as he strayed away from Ninjetta's question. There were more important things to worry about. "Forget about me. What I'd like to know is why in the name of Bender's shiny metal ass are you in my house?"

Ninjetta crossed her arms 1indignantly, "If you must know, I was in the area checking out the sites. I've never been to this town before, and since I had some free time on my hands, I thought it would've been nice to do some sight seeing. Imagine to my surprise when I hear that someone is not just saying bad but really NASTY things about me! What did I ever do to you!? I've saved the world plenty of times, and this is the thanks I get!? What kind of cold-blooded person are you?"

The Nerd quickly tried to compose the Ninja Girl from popping a blood vessel. Obviously he had great respects for her. It was her video game counterpart he despised.

"Whoa, whoa, whoa!" the Nerd said, trying to calm her down. "Take it easy. Don't let your piss start boiling now. Look, it was me saying those things, but I wasn't talking about you."

"Oh, really?" Ninjetta said disbelievingly. "But you said my voice was awful!"

The Nerd started laughing upon realizing the confusion.

"No, no, no," the Nerd said. He pointed at the television screen, "It's that character I was talking about."

Ninjetta turned to the screen to see the video game version of herself. She titled her head in mystification as she looked the character over; since she did not know that the character was in fact her, she could not understand the connection.

"Okay…" she said with a slow tone in her voice. "And this has to do with me because…?"

The Nerd turned to the screen, and soon he understood why Ninjetta was perplexed by the character. The character in question hardly looked like Ninjetta, so that's why she did not understand.

"Oh, duh," the Nerd laughed as he smacked his forehead. "Of course. You don't even know who this character reminds you of. Well, in case you didn't know, this shit load of fuck…" He bent over and picked up the box cover for the Ninjetta game. "…is your game!"

Ninjetta was taken back by what she just heard. A game about her? Was that even possible? Still in disbelief, she grabbed the case out of the Nerd's hand and inspected it thoroughly.

"What the heck?" Ninjetta gasped, still in absolute shock. "They…made a game….about me!?"

The Nerd blinked in surprise; she was not aware of the fact that a game based on her was mass produced?

"Wait, you didn't even know this game was made?" the Nerd asked her.

Ninjetta shook her head, "No! I wasn't told!"

Ninjetta, at this point, was flabbergasted by all this. They made a game about Ninjetta without even telling her. To the ninja, that was unacceptable. She would have liked some notice beforehand the game was being created.

"I mean -- it's bad enough a comic book was made about me without my knowing, but still --" she continued, still in skepticism

The Nerd nodded understandingly, "I see. So, they made a comic about you without permission, eh?"

Ninjetta nodded in response. Since she was here, it seemed that the Nerd had no choice but to tell her what he thought of the game.

"Well, I got some bad news that will make you piss so hard that you'll drown in your own urine before you can react verbally," the Nerd said with a sigh. After a brief pause, he spoke up in his loud voice. "Your game sucks!"

Ninjetta gasped in surprise, "SAY WHAT?!"

"Yeah," the Nerd replied. He placed the game cover back on the ground, and abruptly pointed to the screen. "Look right there! See that so called ninja I'm playing as? Supposedly, that's you!"

Ninjetta focused her eyes towards the screen, only to be aghast by the character she saw. Is that really me, she thought? No, it couldn't be! It had to be some sort of joke. For a moment, she did not want to believe the character was her

"Oh, dear lord, no," Ninjetta whispered in fright. "That's…me?"

"Newsflash," the Nerd said, as he harshly told her the inevitable truth. "This game is called 'Ninjetta,' and I don't know any other person out there with that fuckin' name."

"But…that is SO not me," Ninjetta complained, still unwilling to believe the Nerd. "It doesn't even look like I'm wearing a ninja outfit. It looks like some…some…"

"Some fucking SWAT soldier?" the Nerd said, as he finished Ninjetta's sentence for her.

"Well, yeah, I guess so," Ninjetta replied with a questioned tone in her voice. A thought came to her, "Wait a minute! You claim my game sucks, right? So why are even playing it?"

"Oh, well, I guess you can say playing terrible videos games is an occupation of mine," the Nerd explained. "See, my full name is the Angry Video Game Nerd, and ever since I was in shitty diapers, I've made it my life's goal to torture myself playing bad video games."

"That sounds stupid," Ninjetta remarked. "Why do you even bother doing it?"

"I don't have a fuckin' clue," the Nerd replied. "If I did, I'd probably get a real job and become stickin' rich!"

"Oh," Ninjetta said. Deciding to change the subject, she asked, "Hey, can I watch you play this?"

The Nerd became hesitant as he was about to reply, because he was skeptical about letting her watch. His mind drifted into memory lane as he recalled the last time he had a Super Hero watch him play, which of course was Spider-Man. His mind became filled with recollections of Spider-Man ranting and raving; he was basically being a back seat gamer the whole time, and it annoyed the fuck out of the Nerd. In spite of it, he decided to give Ninjetta a fair chance. After all, it was her game, and she had a right to know about it.

"Okay, you can watch," the Nerd said. "I've got one rule though: no comments from the peanut gallery. Are we clear, or do I have to wave fucking sign around that's plastered with elephant intestines?"

Ignoring the Nerd's repugnant response, Ninjetta nodded submissively, "Crystal. I promise I'll just watch."

The Nerd, however, failed to believe that statement.

"Right…" the Nerd said with a roll of his eyes. He turned back to the game. "Well then, as I was saying beforehand, the AI was as dumb as donkey fuck! Challenge is essential to making a game fun! This boss fight was about as easy as the gameplay in Mario's Early Years: Fun with Numbers. Well, at least we can finally move on!"

A screen showed up seconds later, showing Ninjetta under a spotlight. Right above her was a giant message that went across the screen. The Nerd's eyes lit up in surprise upon reading what it said.

"Congratulations, you unlocked a costume?" the Nerd said in question. "You mean this shitfest actually has rewards!? Okay, that's a plus…I guess. I mean, yeah, it adds to the replay value and all, but what's the point? I doubt one person will get this far because of the suckyness this game emits from its tits. Well, let's see what the costume is, shall we?"

The Nerd pressed the A button on his controller, and both he, and Ninjetta were surprised by what happened next. The video game Ninjetta was now in Ninjetta's original costume, but due to how blocky she looked, it did not look any better.

"Holy crappy costume changes, Ninjetta," the Nerd said, imitating Robin from the Adam West Batman show. "It's your original costume!"

"And my costume is an un-lockable costume in this game?" Ninjetta added with a gasp. "What's the logic behind that!?"

The Nerd shrugged his shoulders, "Who knows. Look at the bright side: at least we can play in your normal outfit now."

"But it still hardly looks like me," Ninjetta protested. She sighed, "Guess it's better than nothing."

An option showed up, asking if the player wanted to keep the costume on. Without hesitation, the Nerd clicked the yes button. Soon after, the load screen appeared.

"By the way," Ninjetta said. "You said my voice was bad, right? Can I hear it?"

The Nerd turned to her with a cautious look in his eyes. Ninjetta could feel her stomach churn; something told her that it was worse than she imagined.

"You don't wanna hear it." the Nerd advised her.

Ninjetta placed her hands on her hips.

"Yes, I do." she insisted sternly.

"No, you don't." the Nerd responded with a shake of his head.

"I do." Ninjetta argued with him.

The Nerd sighed in defeat. His words alone would not stop her from hearing that voice.

"Fine. Your funeral." the Nerd said. He paused for a moment before he said, "Last chance! You sure you wanna hear it?"

"YES!!" Ninjetta shouted at him in frustration.

"Jesus Christ!" the Nerd exclaimed. "Alright! Geeze, don't flip your shit!"

The Nerd took his regular remote and pressed the mute button to give the TV sound. The duo watched patiently as the next cutscene transpired. Words alone could not describe what Ninjetta saw next. The cinematic showed the blocky and bland streets of Los Angles, though, at the moment, she could not even tell if it was her home.

"Is that supposed to be LA?" Ninjetta asked with a perplexed look in her eyes.

"I guess so," the Nerd shrugged. "Personally, it looks like something my cat hacked up."

"Oh, you have a cat," Ninjetta asked, suddenly becoming intrigued. "What's his name?"

"Fuckface," the Nerd replied with pride in his eyes. Ninjetta frowned underneath her mask. "The best little pussy a man could ask for."

Ninjetta groaned. She did not like the Nerd's odious attitude, but for the sake of seeing this game, she had no choice but to tolerate it.

Ninjetta rolled her eyes, and muttered, "Sorry I asked."

The two resumed watching the scene. The camera zoomed into a moving bus, where someone was sitting on one of the seats, quietly reading a book. The two leaned into the television to see who that person was. Ninjetta felt her jaw drop upon recognizing the person. It was an Asian girl who liked like a total Nerd. (Not as nerdy as the Angry Video Game Nerd, but still pretty nerdy.) She wore circular glasses over her eyes and had braces on her teeth. She wore a white buttoned down shirt similar to the Nerd's shirt. All around she did not look physically attractive. (And the blocky graphics added extra pain to an already sore wound.)

Ninjetta became appalled at this point. They had the nerve to make her look like a joke.

"NO!" she cried. "PLEASE tell me that's not me! I look horrible! A mule looks prettier than that!"

The Nerd slumped his shoulders; he was actually going to say that -- of course in a more repulsive manner. Instead, he mentioned something else.

"What did you expect?" the Nerd spoke up. "No one knows who you really are. Between you, Danny Phantom, and Jenny, you're the only one who's identity is still a secret."

"That may be true and all but it would have been nice if they portrayed me better," Ninjetta argued. "Look at me! They could've made me look normal instead of nerdy."

The Nerd took offense to Ninjetta's statement due to the obvious. He stiffened his lip as he made his trademark enraged look.

"And what in the name of fuck is wrong with being nerdy!?" the Nerd asked angrily.

Ninjetta winced upon realizing she said that in the presence of a nerd.

"Oh…well…nothing...um…" she stuttered, trying to come up with a good excuse. Then, she decided change the subject. "Look, they should've just portrayed me better. That's all!"

Deciding to drop the matter, the Nerd sighed and turned his attention back to the screen.

"Whatever," the Nerd said.

As the scene continued, the two watched the video game Ninjetta read the book, when all of a sudden….

**BOOM!!**

In the blink of an eye, the bus started shaking. The video game Ninjetta looked up and jerked her head left and right.

"Well gosh darn it!" the game Ninjetta exclaimed. "Someone's, like, totally attacking this bus! This bus is shaking, so I gotta, like, shake it up!"

Ninjetta felt like she was about to crack. That was her voice? It sounded so irritating and corny. She even noticed that her lines were witless.

"You're kidding, right!?" Ninjetta said, on the verge of yelling. "THAT'S my voice! It's bad enough they made me look like a ner..erm…dork but now they give me a terrible voice with cheesy one-lines? What the H E Double Hockey Stick were these game developers thinking!?"

"I told you it was awful," the Nerd said. "And that line was worse than any line from the third Ninja Turtles movie." He thought about what he just said, and responded, "Okay, maybe that's pushing it, but still…"

Ninjetta buried her face into her hands and shook it. She was overwhelmed by all this.

"Oh, this is just terrible." she moaned.

"Got news for ya, Ninjetta," the Nerd said as he turned to her. "It gets worse."

Ninjetta looked up at the Nerd with eyes so wide that he thought they were going to fall out of her sockets.

"It…gets...worse?" she gasped in horror. "How? How can it possibly get worse?"

The Nerd shrugged, "To be truthful, I don't know. This is my first time playing through the game; but I can tell you through fucking experience that this inhumane pile of anal waste is only gonna get worse!"

Deciding to save Ninjetta further grief of the voice acting, he pressed the A button to skip the cutscene.

"Hey, look at the bright side," the Nerd said optimistically. "At least this game shows mercy by allowing you to skip the cutscenes.

Still stunned and overwhelmed, Ninjetta once again buried her face in her hands, letting out a soft moan. Meanwhile, the Nerd turned his attention back to the screen to notice the level had begun. The virtual Ninjetta was now seen in front of the burning bus. Before he could even move the character, two thugs strangely appeared about ten feet away from the character. Both of the thugs looked like the two bosses he faced from before, only now they had a blue color scheme.

"What the-?" the Nerd jumped back in surprise. "They just appeared out of nowhere! Shouldn't they be appearing from farther back? What, did the game designers become lazy asses and not make the bad guys fade in from the background? Also, why the hell do they all look the same? Not to mention, they look like stereotypical criminals. Wasn't any imagination put into this game? What were they thinking!?"

The Nerd moved his character forward to fight the two thugs. To his surprise, the AI of the thugs was a lot better this time. They actually started punching at him, and they did a decent amount of damage. Of course, they still only punched. They had no arsenals at their disposal. Likewise with the Nerd, his character could only punch, and the Ninja stars were still frustrating to use. After defeating the first two enemies, he moved ahead a bit until another group of enemies ambushed him. Then, a thought occurred to him. Why wasn't Ninjetta using any of her other weapons?

"Hm, there's something wrong here," the Nerd said in realization. "Why can't Ninjetta use her other weapons and abilities? If you haven't read fuckin' chapter 1 of this story, then you're gonna be lost, because I mentioned she could do more than throw ninja stars. Usually when you progress in a level, you get power-ups to help you. Plus it adds strategy and variety. Let's take an example from another ninja game. Ah, how about the NES Ninja Gaiden games? For example: as you progress through a level, you gain power-ups to help you kill the bad guys. That way, you don't need to entirely rely on your sword. Or it could have been like in Banjo-Kazooie where you learn new abilities as you progress through the game. Clearly though, we're not seeing that here. This is ridiculous; I'm reduced to back ass punches and throwing ninja stars that curve."

Ninjetta brought her head up to notice the Nerd throwing ninja stars. She was shocked upon seeing them curve.

"HUH!?" Ninjetta exclaimed.

"Surprised, aren'tchya?" the Nerd responded. "Your ninja stars curve in this game. Is this a fucking joke, or do your ninja stars actually curve on your ass?"

"NO! Of course not!" Ninjetta said in defense. "That is..unless..I do a throwing trick."

The Nerd shook his head, "I figured as much."

The Nerd pressed the B button again, only to find that nothing was happening.

"Aw, fuckberries!" the Nerd cursed out. "I'm out of ninja stars again!"

Ninjetta looked at the screen to notice a yellow ninja star floating a few feet above the road.

"Look, there's a ninja star right there." Ninjetta exclaimed.

The Nerd prompted the virtual Ninjetta to run over and grab the stars. After picking them up, he tried to throw it by pressing B, but to his surprise, it did absolutely nothing. A deadpan expression appeared on the Nerd's face.

"Um, why can't I throw the newly acquired ninja stars?" the Nerd asked rhetorically. He banged his hand against the Wii remote. "Is this fucking thing even responding now? What happened to my ninja stars? Did they disappear?"

"Look out!" Ninjetta cried.

The Nerd turned back to see another thug charging for his character. Thankfully, the Nerd had enough time to move Ninjetta out of the way and counterattack. After disposing of the thugs, the Nerd moved Ninjetta forward, which caused a cutscene to ensue. The scene showed Ninjetta standing outside what appeared to be a small drug store. A subtitle appeared under the video game ninja. What both Ninjetta and the Nerd saw next baffled them.

The subtitle read, "Great. I'm going to need some more equipment!"

The Nerd was about ready to blow a gasket. Ninjetta had to go to a store to get her equipment?

"Oh, no!" the Nerd said. "Don't tell me I have to BUY my own equipment? This is like Ghostbusters on the NES all over again! Man, I wish Chuck Norris would come through this screen and rip ass all over this game, followed by lighting it on fire and feeding it to the fucking crocodiles!"

Ninjetta just remained quiet; she was too shocked and revolted to even form words in her mouth. The Nerd moved the virtual Ninjetta into the store. The next screen that came up showed a list of items that he could buy. However, there were only two things for sale: one of which were the ninja stars. But the worse part of the whole thing was how he had to pay for it. On the top right of the screen he saw a textbox that said, "you need three ninja stars to purchase a bag of ninja stars."

"WHAT!?" the Nerd shouted out. "You mean the ninja stars I picked up serve as the currency!? That's why I couldn't throw them!? 'Cause they're money!?"

"So wait," Ninjetta said, finally able to speak up. "You collect ninja stars to purchase them? What kind of sense does that make?"

"Makes as much sense as a bunch of stoned crows grabbing your vagina and pulling it all the way to your asshole, while you get gang rapped by the fucking Legion of Doom!" the Nerd said with one of his crude analogies.

Ninjetta was starting to become peeved over the Nerd's offensive nature. She could not stand listening to all these disgusting comments. However, she decided not to worry about him….yet. They still had a game to play. The Nerd moved the cursor over the second item, which showed a picture of a spider. The Nerd looked to see what the item was called, but he was befuddled when he observed the label underneath it. The label said, "Webbings."

"Webbings?" the Nerd said as he read the label.

Ninjetta's face flushed in embarrassment upon noticing what the Nerd said. She buried her face yet again.

"Ugh!" she moaned. "They had to put in the webbings? They're so out of date!"

The Nerd's eyes widened in surprise upon hearing that.

He spun around to face her, "Wait a minute! You mean to tell me those rumors of you having Spider-man webbings were true?"

Ninjetta slightly titled her head, "Well, sort of. It was more like PSI webbing, but if you wanna be all technical about it, then, yeah."

"Boy…I was right!" the Nerd exclaimed. "Spidy should sue your ass!"

"HEY!!" Ninjetta shouted at the Nerd in offense.

Ignoring Ninjetta's response to his comment, he turned back to the television screen. Ninjetta just sat there; arms crossed and anger reaching the peak of a volcano. She did not know if she could abstain herself from taking the Nerd's glasses and beat him senselessly with them. But alas, she was a superhero, and the Nerd was not a threat…or was he? The Nerd decided to try the webbings, so he purchased them. As he pressed the back button, he noticed a message popped up. It was asking him if he wanted to save. That was a good thing, he thought. At least this piece of shit allowed you to save, and boy was he going to need it.

After saving the game, the Nerd exited the store and arrived on the streets. Yet another message popped up; this one mentioned how to use the webbings. It said, "Press the Z button to use the webbing." The Nerd was surprised that he was receiving some help. Maybe this game was finally starting to get good. The Nerd moved the virtual Ninjetta towards a building and pressed Z. What happened next caused the Nerd gasp. The webbings went straight into the air, and surprisingly, Ninjetta started to move forward.

"Oh sweet Jesus, no!" the Nerd exclaimed. "Not only does this game rip-off Spidey's webbing but they decided to do one of the worst things that most Spidey games have done with them…have the webbings go right into the sky! Why did these bastards do that? What is Ninjetta webbing? CLOUDS!? A SATELLITE!? URANS!?" he pronounced it as 'your anus."

"How can the webbings stick to them anyway?" the Nerd continued. "This should be nonexistent, because ever since Spider-Man 2 the problem was fixed. Why the cunt couldn't they make it like that?"

Ninjetta could not deal with the Nerd's cursing anymore. She could tolerate a lot of things, but the Nerd's foul mouth was just too much to bear.

"Okay, that's it!" Ninjetta blared out as she stood up from her chair. "I'm sick and tired of your cursing. I can tell this game stinks, but do you have to talk so offensively?"

The Nerd stopped what he was doing and placed the Wii Remote on the floor. Standing up, he picked up his mask from the floor and put it back on. No one ever talked to him that way, and Ninjetta was about to feel his wrath. The two super heroes glared at each other, just like a showdown in a western movie.

"Hey, no one, and I mean no one, ever tells me what the fuck to do," the Nerd hissed at his opponent. "I can swear how I want, where I want, and when I want. Understand?"

Ninjetta gritted her teeth in anger, "Understand? Don't even know the meaning of the word."

The two heroes continued to stare each other down, until the Nerd ran right at her, screaming at the top of his lungs. Things were about to get intense.


	4. Chapter III

**Chapter III: A Boss Battle of Wit, or Dumb Luck**

A deceive battle was about to begin. A battle of skill, strength, and cunningness was about to ensue. A battle between a Nerd and a Ninja.

The Nerd curved his right hand into a fist (the one that had the Power Glove) and threw a punch at the Ninja girl. Unfortunately, Ninjetta grabbed his hand with no effort and threw him at the wall where all the video game posters were. As he flew into the wall, Ninjetta fired ten shurikens out of her hands, and they all impaled the Nerd's shirt as he hit the wall. All of the shurikens were able to keep the Nerd's body on the wall because they were attached to both his shirt and the wall. Ninjetta back flipped over to him and firmly placed her hand around his neck, which was not tight enough to choke him.

"Oh, fuck." The Nerd groaned groggily. His head was sore from hitting the wall so hard.

"Okay, Captain," Ninjetta sneered at him. "Give me one good reason why I shouldn't go into the bathroom, get a bar of soap, and wash your mouth out repeatedly?"

The Nerd, still groaning from the soreness, needed to think of an answer to get out of this predicament, or else his mouth would become filled with bubbles. After mulling over what to do, he answered her question to the best of his ability.

"Because if I don't review this game thoroughly, your career won't be salvaged." The Nerd explained.

A look of suspicion appeared on Ninjetta's face upon hearing the Nerd say that. What did he mean by, "salvaging her career?"

"And what is that suppose to mean?" Ninjetta asked dubiously.

"Please focus your attention on the camera behind you," the Nerd said.

Ninjetta turned around to see a handheld, mini DV camera on a tripod. The camera's lens was focused on the television screen.

"When I review these shitload of fucks called games," the Nerd explained. "I record what I play, and afterwards, I display them on the internet."

Ninjetta gasped in shock. At first, she was under the impressed that he posted these videos to poke fun at the game.

"So, you're saying you record these games to post them on the internet and jest about them," Ninjetta said furiously. "How's that salvaging my career? What that's doing is adding fire to the furnace!"

"No, no, no," the Nerd said as he shook his head nervously. "I review these games to warn people not to play them. That way, they don't have to endure the awfulness this game shits out its ass. Use your fucking head! They'll know you didn't give Go Go Games consent to make this game; so that way, you'll still be the same old Ninjetta. If anything, the videos will make Go Go Games look worse than any game made by LJN." He paused upon realizing what he said, and responded by saying, "Okay, maybe it won't make the company look THAT bad."

Ninjetta took into account as to what he was saying. If the Nerd was in fact reviewing the game to save her career, then she had no choice but to comply with his terms. Sighing in defeat, she removed the shurikens from the Nerd's shirt. Upon removing all of them, the Nerd plunged right to the floor, landing on his chest. The sound of a thud could be heard as he landed on the hard ground. The bones in front of his body trembled faster than a guitar string, after being pulled brusquely by a finger. The Nerd stood up and brushed himself off.

"Alright, fine," Ninjetta said in compliance. "I'll let you finish your review. But do you have to talk so profanely?"

"It helps put emphasis on how much this game licks monkey balls," the Nerd said. "So I have no choice. Besides, you can swear, too. That is, if you want to."

Ninjetta crossed her arms and sniffed in repudiation, "No way! That's highly offensive and immature!"

The Nerd shrugged, "Okay. Whatever suits your shit, I guess. Now, let's continue playing."

The Nerd returned to his seat and resumed the game. The Nerd moved the Virtual Ninjetta down the streets, doing the same thing over and over again, fighting bad guys and rescuing people. How redundant, he thought. Finally, he arrived at the center of the city, in which a cut scene occurred. The scene showed Ninjetta picking up a piece of paper and reading it.

Since the game was still on mute, both the Nerd and Ninjetta read the subtitle.

"Dear, Ninjetta," the virtual Ninjetta said, dictating the message. "I have a bunch of hostages captured, and all of them are being held captive at the warehouse. I dare you to come and save them."

"Oh, no!" the virtual Ninjetta exclaimed as she placed her hand over her mouth. "People are being held captive! It's time to save the day and show these guys the real super power of the spider clan."

Ninjetta smacked her forehead in frustration.

"Even with the volume muted I can't put up with these stupid one-liners," Ninjetta moaned. "Who wrote the script for this game!? The guys who made Batman & Robin?"

The Nerd let out a playful grin, "Come on. You know you wanna let a 'bitch' or an 'ass' out."

Ninjetta put her hand out to the Nerd and turned her head away from him.

"N..O.." Ninjetta said in refusal, spelling the word out.

The Nerd sighed in defeat, "Fine."

The cutscene ended, and it came up on the virtual Ninjetta standing in the middle of the road.

"Alright, so I guess I have to go save the hostages from the bad guy," the Nerd said with an unwilling tone in his voice. "How original. I also like the fact that they just call it the warehouse. I mean, I'm sure LA has more than one warehouse, and I'm more than positive that the warehouse has a name. Much like the first level, I don't have the slightest inkling as to where I'm supposed to go. I should get some clue or hint as to where the warehouse is."

The Nerd mused over which way to go. Ahead of him lied a fork in the road, so he knew the one way was the right way, while the other was the wrong way. After thinking about which path to take, he decided to go left. The Nerd moved Ninjetta down the left road, moving her at full speed. As she ran down the street, the Nerd noticed the buildings were rendering only one second after Ninjetta started to go by. The Nerd could not believe his eyes. It was like from Bible Games when Noah moved faster than the screen.

"Un-fucking-believable," the Nerd said in stupefaction. "You know a game sucks when your character outruns the visuals."

Things were about to get worse....

As Ninjetta ran onto a street, a building appeared in her place. The strange thing was that as he moved the controller around, the camera moved around the building. This showed that he was still in control of Ninjetta, but she was now trapped inside a building. This game just went from bad to worse. Ninjetta thought she was going to mewl; this game did nothing but insult her to the core. It was like the game developers were trying to push her buttons and insult her with all their heart.

The Nerd, now beyond shocked, stood up from his seat. He walked over to his door and turned to Ninjetta.

"Would you excuse me for a second?" the Nerd asked her.

Ninjetta nodded in perplexity as the Nerd stepped outside of his room. He hurried over to the left end of the hallway, and walked up to a door with a sign. The sign said, "Open incase you're about to lose your fucking mind." The Nerd opened the door, and out popped what appeared to a guy dressed as a giant gray rabbit.

"Ehhhhhhhhh," the rabbit said with an over exaggerated Brooklyn accent. "What's up, doc?"

An enraged look appeared on the Nerd's face as he screamed at the top of his lungs. He tackled the rabbit into the room, and the door closed behind them. The only thing that could he heard were the sweet sounds of punches and kicks connecting to a body. Concurrently, the Nerd's voice could be heard, screaming away like a banshee.

"AHH!!!" the Nerd screamed in rage. "FUCKIN' PIECE OF SHIT!! I HATE THIS GAME!! IT CAN FUCK ITSELF RIGHT IN THE ASSHOLE!!"

Seconds later, the Nerd shouted again with an over exaggerated voice.

"FALCON PUNCH!!!" he cried.

As he said that, the door flew open, and the rabbit went flying into the wall. The Nerd's hand could be seen moments later, grabbing the rabbit by the neck.

"Get over here!" he snarled, doing an imitation of Scorpion from Mortal Kombat.

The Nerd pulled the rabbit back into the closet and resumed pounding him into oblivion. A few minutes later, the door opened again and the Nerd came out of the room with a slightly calmer look. (He was the Angry Video Game Nerd after all. There was no way he was going to be completely unruffled.) He walked back into his game room and sat down in his chair. Ninjetta turned to him with a confused look.

"Um, what were you doing?" Ninjetta asked curiously.

"Letting my anger out," the Nerd responded nonchalantly. He grabbed two beers from his utility belt. "Wanna beer? It can help sooth the pain."

Ninjetta shook her head, "I'll pass."

The Nerd shrugged and took a sip of his Rolling Rock. He then picked up the controller. He once again let out his trademark angry glare.

"Anyway, that's fucking incredible!" the Nerd said, resuming the review. "The rendering is so bad that you can actually get caught in a building, and because of that I have to start all over. Jesus Christ! My crappy-senses were 100% right on this one! Thank god I saved beforehand!"

The Nerd pressed the pause button and picked the option that said "Restart from last save point." The Nerd pressed the button to begin the level again. After fighting through the same hoard of thugs, he arrived at the fork again. He picked left and made sure to move Ninjetta at a slower rate. After about a minute of walking down the road, he finally arrived at a blocky looking warehouse.

Another cutscene started. This one showed an over head shot of Ninjetta. She looked up to notice a rope right over her head. A textbox appeared seconds later, showing an option as to whether she would like to walk over the rope or bust through the door.

"Huh?" the Nerd cried out. "Why do I have to choose whether or not to use the rope? Is there a difference? Will something happen if I take the tight rope? And why is there a tight rope anyway? Did these dumbasses fail to realize that Ninjetta could just CLIMB onto the roof of the building? Well, for shits and giggles, let's try the tightrope."

After selecting the option, the scene faded to black, and seconds later it showed Ninjetta trying to balance herself on the tightrope.

"What's the deal?" Ninjetta asked in irritation. "I have excellent balance! Why does it look like I can't even stand straight up?"

"That I don't know, but it looks like we're about to find out," the Nerd said as he started to shake the Wii Remote. To his surprise, he could not move Ninjetta at all. He tried the joystick, but no luck. "Come on! Work you piece of shit! Why isn't this working?"

The Nerd tried shaking the Wii remote harder to see if he could get some form of responsiveness out of it. To his dismay, he could not get Ninjetta to move. As he prepared to put one more huge swing into it, he forgot that he was not wearing the strap again. As he swung the remote, it once again went out of his hand and flew out the window.

The rabbit that the Nerd was beating up early could be seen running out of the Nerd's apartment. The entire costume was torn apart due to the excessive beating he received from the Nerd. He huffed and puffed as he ran as far as he could. It looked like he was trying to escape from the Nerd's clutches

"I'm almost free!" the rabbit cheered. "Gosh, ain't I a motherfuckin' stink…"

**BONK!!!**

The rabbit felt the rough exterior of a little white remote hitting him in the back of the head. The impact was so great that he fell down, landing on the green grass. However, he was not safe yet. A pigeon flew over the rabbit's head and dropped a little 'present' on his face.

The Nerd rolled his eyes. Not this shit again! The Nerd went over to the drawer to pull out a spare controller.

"Hey, aren't you worried that someone got hit?" Ninjetta asked in concern.

The Nerd smiled optimistically, "Nah. We would've heard the scream, right?"

Ninjetta shrugged, "I suppose."

Instead of getting himself into more trouble, the Nerd decided to consult the instruction manual to see what was going on. He opened the game case and removed the thin white booklet from the side of it. He opened the booklet to feast his eyes on the table of contents.

Instantly, he knew what the problem was.

Under the list, he saw that there were instructions involving the "Wii Balance Board." Since this part of the game involved balancing, it was pretty obvious that the Wii Balance Board was integral.

"Oh, this is gonna be real exciting," the Nerd said sarcastically. He let out a huge grin. "We get to use the Wii Balance Board for this part. I'm so thrilled that I think I'm gonna have an anal evacuation!"

Ninjetta grimaced upon hearing yet another disgusting remark from the Nerd. Just hearing his explicit tongue made her want to her puke out her lunch. However, she had to put up with it. If that was not bad enough, she also had to deal with her watching him play a game that ridiculed her.

The Nerd went over to his drawer and pulled out a white board that looked like a scale one would use to check their weight.

"Alright, here's the Wii Balance Board," the Nerd declared as he held it up. "You may recall me mentioning it during my look at the NES accessories. The Wii Balance Board is an accessory that detects someone's body mass when stepped on, and it's used to play games. It first came bundled with the highly successful Wii Fit, and it will be compatible with other Wii games, including: Wii Ski, Boogie Superstar, and Rayman Raving Rabbids TV Party. For the record, this is the first time I've seen this thing involved in an adventure game; and to be honest, I'm actually skeptical about using it. I may end up falling on my ass depending on how sensitive it is."

The Nerd brought the Wii Balance Board over to the TV and placed it on the floor. Ninjetta stood up to get a better view of it.

"Hey, I've seen my mom use that thing before." Ninjetta said.

"Yeah, it can be used for the whole family," the Nerd added. "And apparently cats can use it, too." He focused his gaze on a yellow spot on the board. "Well, let's give this part a try."

The Nerd stepped onto the board, only to jump back in surprise upon seeing virtual Ninjetta fall to her doom. The Nerd just leaned into the screen with a dumbfounded expression.

"What did you just do?" Ninjetta asked in surprise.

"All I did was stand on in," the Nerd replied. He gulped, "Fuck me; this is gonna take awhile."

For the next ten minutes, the Angry Video Game Nerd did his best to keep his balance, but every time he moved only a centimeter in either direction, virtual Ninjetta would fall off the rope. At times when he tried to keep his balance, the Nerd would fall off the board and land on the ground. He angrily got on to try again.

"Aw, come on!" the Nerd complained. "Why the fuck is this so impossible? I guess they were trying to take a realistic approach, like if you were to actually walk on a tight rope, you'd fall off in seconds flat. Let's try again!"

He tried again, but she fell off.

"Fuckwurst!!"

He tried a second time, but she still fell off.

"Shitballs!"

The Nerd tried yet again. This time he remained as stiff as a rock, and to his surprise, Ninjetta was actually remaining still. The nerd slowly moved his left foot forward. The virtual Ninjetta moved forward in response. Finally! He figured it out! He carefully moved each foot forward, making sure that his body was perfectly still as he moved the character.

Ninjetta watched in anticipation as her virtual counterpart was towards the end of the rope. The Nerd started to sweat; he was so close. He could feel his heart beat rambunctiously. His breathing became hard. He just had to keep this pattern up. A small drop of sweat slowly slid down his face until it reached his chin. It then fell off of his chin and landed right on the board.

In an instant, the virtual Ninjetta fell off the rope, once again falling to her doom. Both the Nerd and Ninjetta stood their in disbelief. Did that actually happen? They were so close.

The Nerd started to tremble in anger. All that work was for naught. He stiffened his lower lip in frustration, no longer able to deal with this video game. He then let out an earsplitting yell.

"ASSSSSSSSSSSSS!!!!!!" he shouted furiously. "God damn this game! This thing's a bitch to pull off! It'd be easier to play Ninja Gaiden…with the Power Glove! And the funny thing is that the Power Glove wasn't compatible with Ninja Gaiden; but if it was, then it would probably be just as hard as walking across this tightrope. This part is so hard that Rambo would become constipated upon playing it."

Ninjetta was growing annoyed with the Nerd constantly trying to get across the rope. Since this game was terrible, she had a strong hunch that there were no extra benefits to making it across. It was a losing battle, and they were wasting time.

"Look, forget the tight rope!" Ninja spoke up with a loud tone in her voice. "We're getting nowhere fast! Just take the other way."

"But….you do realize that I'd have to restart from the last save point again, right?" the Nerd pointed out.

"Do you want to keep falling on your face until it bleeds?" Ninjetta mentioned to the Nerd with crossed arms.

The Nerd paused to take in what Ninjetta said for the moment. It would not take him too long to get to the warehouse, so it would not kill to restart the level.

"Okay, okay," the Nerd moaned in defeat. "You win this round, Ninjetta."

One Rolling Rock consumption and Bugs Bunny beating later….

"Alright, let's go see what kind of 'surprise' awaits me inside this warehouse." the Nerd said sarcastically.

The Nerd brought the Virtual Ninjetta back to the entrance of the warehouse, deciding to take the easy way in. As he moved the character towards the door, a cutscene occurred. When the screen came up on the scene, the Nerd's eyes widened in astonishment upon what he saw.

"Wh-what?" the Nerd stuttered in surprise. He removed his glasses and wiped them on his shirt. He then placed them back on his eyes, only to see the same thing. "What the fuck?"

"Yeah, what you said." Ninjetta said who was just as shocked.

The Nerd and Ninjetta were surprised because, unexpectedly, the graphics turned from extremely blocky into graphics that looked like something out of Super Mario Galaxy; in other words, the graphics were smooth and stunning. In fact, the Ninjetta character (who was walking up to the door) looked more like Ninjetta now.

"Was I smoking crack this entire time!?" the Nerd exclaimed. "How did the graphics go from piss poor to awesome!? Half way into making this game, were the developers like," He spoke in a low pitched voice that sounded similar to Lenny from Of Mice and Men, "dur..gee..maybe..we should, like, y'know, make the graphics less blocky? So that way we can possibly, maybe, make this game look presentable?"

He then spoke normally, "What lazy bastards! It should be consistent the whole way through! Did these jerk-offs decide to release the beta version as the final version? That's like releasing the beta version of Doom, because in that version you couldn't shoot bad guys, you had no audio, and you couldn't go very far. Bottom line: GET WITH THE FUCKING PROGRAM AND KEEP THE GRAPHICS THE SAME!"

He took a deep breath to calm himself down. After giving himself a minute, he spoke up again.

"Well, let's just hope this game starts kicking ass now," the Nerd said. He then whispered, "I hope."

The virtual Ninjetta slowly opened the door to the warehouse and entered it. Inside, the warehouse was dark, but not dark enough for the virtual Ninjetta to be inconspicuous. Suddenly, the virtual Ninjetta's Ninja senses went off, and the lights turned on. Since the graphics were better, the Nerd decided to give the voice acting another chance. He pressed the mute button on his normal remote to give the television sound. He stiffened his face, getting ready to expect the worst. He then heard a gruff male voice.

"Well, well, look what we have here," the voice said mockingly. "I'd say we just shed some light on the situation."

The Nerd felt his jaw drop; the voice acting was much better. It sounded like a professional voice actor was portraying the character. There was excellent tone, pitch, and emotion behind it. Sure the lines were not any better. but, like with many good voice productions, with the right voice it can sound better than anything else.

Meanwhile, back in the game, the person behind the voice stepped out from behind a group of crates that were in the warehouse. Much like before, he was depicted as a stereotypical thug with a mask over his eyes, and he was huge in size and weight. Accompanying him was another thug who appeared similar to the first thug.

"Looks like our little 'tip' about blowing up the bus worked." the first thug said, smirking sinisterly.

"It sure did," the second thug concurred. He turned to his partner with a confused look, "But weren't we told to leave her and hightail it out of here?"

The first thug took out a gun from his pocket.

"Who cares?" the first thug cried out in zest. "We outnumber and out run her!"

The virtual Ninjetta blinked in confusion. Out number her? It soon became unequivocal when she heard the sound of thirteen guns cocking around the vicinity. The camera zoomed out to show fifteen thugs surrounding her in a circle. Just looking at that pretty sight made the real Ninjetta's blood go cold.

"Oy," she moaned. "That's a situation I know all too well."

"Yeah, I bet you have," the Nerd said. "I'm guessing I have to face these guys. I just hope they don't suffer from Storm Trooper syndrome, because I'd like the challenge in dodging their bullets."

The virtual Ninjetta wrapped her left hand around the handle of her sword, preparing to draw it. Suddenly, she stopped when she heard the sounds of metal impaling human flesh. The sound could be heard from the right, so virtual Ninjetta veered her head in that direction. What she saw caused her to gasp in horror, as the camera curved around her. The camera showed a sharp, dark blade pierce through the first thug's stomach. The Nerd noticed the thug's blood slowly drip off the blade and fall right onto the floor. Before the virtual Ninja could react, the blade lifted the thug into the air and threw him across the room. A trail of blood gushed out from his abdomen as he flew across the room, and crashed into crates located at the other end.

The other thugs looked on in trepidation as they watched their friend tumble into death's arms. They looked around the room, wondering who was there. Seconds later, the same blade went through another thug's stomach. The blood splattered out of his abdominal area as the blade once again threw a thug to the side. Worried that they were next, the thugs ran for their lives. The sounds of their frightened whimpers reverberated throughout the room.

The Nerd could not help but grin with glee. Being a big fan of horror movies that contained blood and violence, this was a godsend to him. Finally, things were starting to get good. He watched in delight as a black tendril slowly swiveled out from the shadows and struck the men one by one; this included cutting their heads off; stabbing them right in the eyes, and at one point, the tendril was lodged deep into the throat of one of the thugs. Moments later, the thug's entire body exploded from within. The thug's body parts and organs flew in every which direction. What was even more amazing was the great detail on them. The Nerd was practically on the edge of his seat with excitement from viewing this gore-fest.

"AW, FUCK YEAH!!" the Nerd cheered. "Now this is what I'm talking about! Hardcore blood and gore is where it's at man! Jason Vorhees and Michael Myers would be so proud!"

"That's not right!" Ninjetta gasped in shock. "I thought the Wii was a family system!?"

The Nerd turned to Ninjetta with a frown.

"Hey, not ALL games on the Wii are family orientated," the Nerd said in anger. "Manhunt 2 is rated M. A fuckin' fat ass in an insane asylum threw shit at you, and there was hardcore blood from killing the guards. I tell ya, the violence in this game makes Grand Theft Auto look like Yoshi's Story in comparison. Damn, which one of your arch-enemies can cause a massacre like this?"

Ninjetta sighed in irritation. Clearly, she knew who the culprit was.

"You're about to find out." Ninjetta said, as she focused her gaze back on the television.

The two watched as the last thug fell right to the floor. Then, the sounds of footsteps could be heard, moving at a slow pace. Ninjetta drew her sword from her sheath and firmly placed both hands on the handle. She held the sword at a diagonal angle, with the dull side only a few inches from her face. The lights from above reflected onto the sword, making it shine brightly. She had to be ready for whoever claimed the lives of the thugs.

A woman emerged from the shadows, and stood only fifteen feet away from Ninjetta. She appeared to be an exactly double of the ninja girl; only she looked more sinister and had a look of malice in her eyes.

"Why, hello there, Ninjy," she said mockingly. "Did you miss me?"

The real Ninjetta felt her heart rate rise in an instant. That voice sounded exactly like the person she always fought against. She instantly rose from her seat, leaped over to the Nerd's seat, pressed the home button on his Wii Remote, pausing the game. The Nerd looked at Ninjetta in surprise.

"Hey, why the ratballs are you interrupting my game?" the Nerd asked in anger.

"Because that voice…" she answered. "It's the actual Assassina's voice!"

"Ass-who?" the Nerd asked in confusion.

"Assassina," she explained. "She's a Dijin who tried to posses me in hopes of making me evil. However, her attempt failed, and she latched onto someone else that hates my guts. Now, she's one of my worst enemies."

"Whoa, whoa, whoa, wait a minute!" the Nerd said, taken aback by what he just heard. "This sounds too much like another Spider-Man thing! Venom!"

Ninjetta groaned. She was in no mood for another Nerd rant.

"Please, Nerd," she begged in annoyance. "Not now!"

"No! I'm serious!" the Nerd said, disregarding Ninjetta's plea. "This sounds like something I'd see in see in a bad fanfiction that would rip off Spider-Man. Next you'll tell me she's weak to fire and loud noises."

Ninjetta sheepishly grinned.

"Eh, don't forget ultra bright lights." Ninjetta added.

The Nerd just glared at Ninjetta in amazement. He could not believe how similar, no, exact her life was to Spider-Man's.

"You…mean…she's --" the Nerd said as a shocked expression appeared on his face. He shook his head "Wow."

He grabbed another beer from his belt and took a sip from it. He then placed it on the floor. Focusing his attention on the ninja again, he glowered at her.

"You are the biggest rip-off I've ever met." the Nerd said somberly.

"Watch it, Nerd!" Ninjetta howled at him, offended deeply by his comment.

Suddenly, as if out of nowhere, a person wearing a red and blue costume jumped in from the right side of the room, startling both Ninjetta and the Nerd. Ninjetta's eyes widened upon seeing who the person was. It was the actual Spider-Man! Though his costume looked like something he bought at Best Buy for ten dollars.

"Hey, Ninjetta!" Spider Man said. He spoke in a tone of spite. "What gives!? I thought we were friends! I thought we were pals, but then I come and hear you're nothing but a bimbo who tries to rip me off!"

Ninjetta was at a lost for words, not only because of what Spider-Man was saying, but because of his unexpected appearance in the Nerd's room. The Nerd walked over to Spider-Man and patted his shoulder.

"That's abso-fucking-lutely right!" the Nerd said. "I suggest you sue her ass for infringement and take this case to People's Court!"

"I think I may just do that," Spider Man said, nodding in agreement. "Though I think People's Court might not be an appropriate place to settle this."

Ninjetta was now on the verge of pounding them both into nothingness. She could not stand here and take this bashing any longer.

"Okay, that's it!" Ninjetta shouted in rage. She glared at Spider Man, "I have no idea what the heck is going on, but I've HAD IT!! Does it look like I have a flippin' control over what I got!? It's not my fault my powers or arch-enemies supposedly rip off yours! And so help my Spidey if you go there I'll…"

"Oh, I'm there sister," Spider said with a threatening tone in his voice. "Get ready to face the wrath of my spider web balls!"

A look of distraught appeared on the Nerd's face. He did not want a fight to break out between these two. After all, he just finished refurbishing his room from the battle he had with a possessed Nintendo cartridge, so he had to step in to stop the fight. The Nerd knew that Spider-Man would drink beer, but there was a catch: he needed to become frustrated when he heard a game of his sucked. The Nerd distinctly remembered that he saw a review in the newspaper for a video game starring the web swinging hero. Fortunately, he saved the paper.

Wasting no time, the Nerd dashed over to the corner of his room, noticing the newspaper on the floor. He picked it up and scanned through the paper to find the review. Moments later, he came across an article that talked about a video game called "Spider-Man 3." Perfect, he thought.

"Hey, Spidy!" the Nerd called out to the hero.

The Nerd was able to call out to him in the nick of time, because both he and Ninjetta were about to clash with each other. Spider-Man turned to the Nerd, letting out a slight groan of annoyance.

"What is it, Nerd?" Spidey asked him. "Can't you see I'm about to royally own this bitch?"

"But wait a sec," the Nerd said. "Didn't you hear about your new game?"

"New…game?" Spider-Man inquired, starting to become nervous.

"Yeah," the Nerd replied. "Spider-Man 3 came out, and an article in this paper says the game reeks of road-kill!"

Shocked by what he saw hearing, Spider-Man used his web slinger to grab the paper out of the Nerd's hands, and he brought it into his hands. He read over the article and was shocked by what he read.

"WHAT!?" Spider Man shouted in surprise. "They say this is the worst game ever made!? FUCK! FUCK! FUCK! Not again!"

He shred the paper up into little pieces,

"Why can't these game developers get it right!?" he continued in rage. "Doctor Octopus can just come to their offices and shove his tentacles up their fucking asses!"

The Nerd pulled out two more beers from his utility belt. Unlike the other beers which were Rolling Rocks, the ones he pulled out had different labels, because Spider-Man did not like Rolling Rock.

"Here Spidey," the Nerd said consolingly. "These may help you."

The Nerd threw the beers to Spider-Man, to which the web slinger caught in both hands.

"Thanks, man!" Spider-Man said gratefully.

He instantaneously opened the beer bottles and guzzled them down. Now that Spider-Man was distracted, the Nerd could resume playing the game. The Nerd turned his attention back to Ninjetta, only to come face to face with a long-edged blade of death, which was held by a familiar ninja girl. The Nerd backed his head up in fright upon seeing it. His body was cold with fear just from seeing that the blade only a few inches from his face.

"Oh shit!" the Nerd exclaimed.

The Nerd could see a seething look in Ninjettta's eyes as she pointed the sword right at him.

"Look, Nerd, I am only in this to find how terrible this game of mine is!" Ninjetta said, furious with him. "If you pull another stunt like that I'll…"

"Or you'll what?" the Nerd replied assertively. "I don't know how good of a gamer you are, but without me, you ain't gonna find out jack shit about this game. I suggest you put that thing away before you poke someone's eye out -- namely mine."

The two stared at each other viciously; they could not trust one another. However, Ninjetta soon realized that the Nerd was right. He was the only one who could endure the awfulness of this game, so she had no choice but to watch the Nerd bash it. She placed her sword back on her sheath and crossed her arms calmly.

The Nerd nodded, "Better."

He returned to his seat and picked up his controller.

"Now then," the Nerd spoke up again. He glanced at Ninjetta, "You said the person voicing Assassina in this game is the actual Assassina, right?"

"Yes," Ninjetta replied. "I'm one hundred percent sure. I recognize that voice anywhere, even if I was deaf and swimming at the bottom of an ocean

"Then I have two questions," the Nerd said. "First, why the fuck would they use the real Assassina? She's a bad guy for Christ sakes! If she could rip people's heads off and send body's flying, why would they even take a chance to get her? And second, since they got the real Assassina, why didn't they ask you to voice yourself?"

Ninjetta raised an eyebrow in quirk, "You're asking me?"

"Oh, right," the Nerd said in realization. "You don't know jack."

"YOU'RE THIS CLOSE, NERD!" Ninjetta said, threatening the Nerd. She took the tip of her index finger and placed it about two inches away from the tip of her thumb. "This close!"

"This close to what?" the Nerd responded. He focused his gaze to the floor. "Watch Spider-Man release his urine all over the floor?"

Ninjetta turned to notice that Spider-Man was passed out on the floor. Ninjetta became shocked, not only because a well-known super hero reduced himself to indulging alcohol, but she was shocked at how he managed to become intoxicated so fast.

Ignoring what was going on, the Nerd resumed the game by pressing the home button. The cutscene resumed, which showed Assassina approaching the virtual Ninjetta.

"Pity. I told them to lead you here and leave," Assassina said with a menacing tone in her voice. "Oh, well. Men will be men, I guess."

The virtual Ninjetta glared viciously at her arch-enemy. The Nerd could tell that the video game character wanted to rip Assassina apart.

"What, lost for words?" Assassina sneered at virtual Ninjetta. "Good, because that's all I should hear from you....when you're dead! Let's settle this now!"

Assassina launched four tendrils at the young super heroin. Ninjetta tilted her chest right to dodge the first one and then ducked a few inches down to dodge the second one. The third tendril wrapped itself around Ninjetta's calf and tripped her leftward by pushing her calf right. As the Ninja girl fell, her eyes widened to see the fourth tendril coming right for her chest. Ninjetta jerked her shoulder left to fall faster. Thankfully, she just missed the strike by an inch. As Ninjetta continued to fall, she took the sword in her right hand and turned it around so that the sharp side was facing the ceiling. She swung upward and cut the tendril in half.

Ninjetta placed her left hand on the ground to catch herself, and she pushed off of the ground to land on her feet. While Ninjetta did that, the broken tendril slithered like a snake to its master, merging with her upon contact. Ninjetta landed on her feet and firmly held the handle of her sword with both hands. The two glared at each other as the camera swirled around them. The Nerd could feel it in his stomach that this boss battle was going to be infinitely better than the last one.

The camera focused on the back of Ninjetta and the battle began. Appropriate music for the level started playing in the background. It sounded like action music you would hear in a scene from a karate movie.

"Alright, bring it on you motherfuckin' whore!" the Nerd cried bravely.

Assassina charged for Ninjetta, tendrils out and ready to strike. The Nerd lifted the Wii remote up to jump over her and was surprised to see his character perform an aerial- somersault over Assassina.

"Whoa!" the Nerd exclaimed.

The virtual Ninjetta leaped onto a wall that was right in front of her and stuck to it. The Nerd noticed the A button icon appearing in the middle. Curious as to what it did, he pressed the button, which caused his character to jump off of the wall.

The Nerd groaned, "Y'know, you could've told me what the fuck it did! That's like, you press a button without knowing what it does, and a baby pukes twenty pounds of fox jizz on your face." He realized how revolting that sounded. "Oh that's fowl; I apologize!"

The virtual Ninjetta landed on a crate full of metal polls (as "Metal Poles" was labeled on the crate) seconds later. The Nerd was about to throw a punch when the "D pad" showed up in the middle of the screen. It made an animation of the right side of the pad being pressed down. Above the animation, a sentence appeared, saying, 'Hit right to draw sword." He does so, and Ninjetta drew her sword.

"Now things are starting to get good!" the Nerd said in excitement

The next icon showed an animation of a person holding the Wii remote at an angle and bringing it down, obvious indicating that he had to emulate the icon's movement. The Nerd gripped the Wii remote with his right hand, holding it like how he would hold it in Legend of Zelda: Twilight Princess; then, he swung the sword, which caused the virtual Ninjetta to swing at the crate. A cutscene ensued because of that. It showed metal poles falling out of the crate and hitting the ground. This produced an ear shattering clang that caused Assassina to scream out in pain, since Ninjetta stated that she was vulnerable to loud noises.

Seizing the moment, the Nerd moved his character over to Assassina and started hacking and slashing at her.

"Uh! Er! Hu!" the Nerd grunted as he swung the Wii Remote. "Yeah! Welcome to my world, bitch!"

The Nerd's moment of glory was soon interrupted when Assassina smacked his character aside, sending her spinning into the crate. The virtual Ninjetta's head rammed into the crate, and the front of her body landed on the ground. (It did little damage to the character) The "B button" icon suddenly appeared, telling him to press B repeatedly to get his character up. As he did this, he noticed the virtual Ninjetta trying to stand up. He became startled upon noticing how she moved to stand up; her pelvis lifted a few inches off the ground and went back down in a rapid motion. Due to his inappropriate nature, the Nerd thought she was doing something else.

"Come on!" the Nerd shouted in anger. "Control your fucking hormones and stop humping the floor! Get up!"

The real Ninjetta, who resumed watching the game, was offended by what the Nerd said.

"Hey, I'm not humping the floor!" Ninjetta said in resentment.

"Yeah, you're right. You're not humping the floor," the Nerd said calmly. There was a brief pause for a moment. Then, he spoke up again. "You're screwing the floor!"

"NERD!!" Ninjetta screeched, her voice rising like a flag on fire.

"Okay, okay," the Nerd said, trying to calm the ninja girl down. "Sorry."

The Nerd continued pressing the B button with all his might. He had to sit there and watch his character "hump" the floor as Assassina got closer. Finally, the virtual Ninjetta stood up. The Nerd moved the joystick forward which sent his character right at Assassina. The Nerd swung his Wii Remote at his advisory, and she swung back. The two characters exchanged strikes with one another in an all out battle similar to the Link and Ganondorf fight seen in, again, Legend of Zelda: Twilight Princess.

The Nerd was impressed; Assassina's AI was fantastic. She was able to dodge attacks and retaliate with hard blows. The Nerd's health was slowly but steadily decreasing. Obviously his strategy wasn't working.

"Look out!" the real Ninjetta cried.

The Nerd noticed a tendril sliding out from the ground, and coming right at his character. He did not get a chance to react in time, as the tendril wrapped itself around the virtual Ninjetta. It threw Ninjetta right into the air; a cutscene occurred because of that. It showed Ninjetta spinning into the air until she managed to regain control of herself. She then latched herself onto the upper part of the warehouse. Ninjetta looked down to see Assassina climb up the wall, courtesy of her tendrils. The Nerd regained control of his character moments later.

In this new scenario, the Nerd could only move left and right on the wall. Assassina stood about thirty feet away from his character. Assassina sent a tendril right at Ninjetta, but thinking quickly, the Nerd swung the Wii remote. This, in turn, caused Ninjetta to swing and knock the tendril right back at Assassina. The tendril hit Assassina right in the face because of that, which caused her to lose balance. The sequence continued a few more times; Assassina threw while the Nerd countered. Finally, the last tendril sent back knocked Assassina off the wall.

Doing so caused another cutscene. This time it showed Ninjetta looking up to see lights connected to some rafters. Using her webbing, she swung over the lights and hit them with her sword; because of that, it turned the lights on. This caused Assassina to cover her eyes, hissing like a vampire from the blinding light. Assassina quickly fired a tendril at the lights, which ended up smashing them.

The Nerd gritted his teeth in worry, "Aw, man. This shit sucker doesn't fuck around. Okay, round 2!"

The Nerd brought Ninjetta back to the ground, and the fight continued.

For the next few minutes, the Nerd repeated similar patterns to what had been done already. Additionally, there were new strategies he had to work with, one of which involved him setting the area on fire by dumping oil around Assassina, and using Ninjetta's sword as a match to light it on fire. The real Ninjetta was applied by what she was seeing. She would never be that desperate to make a fire in a building that was used for storage.

"Wow, it takes a lot of balls to start a fire in a building," the Nerd said. He turned to Ninjetta with a playful grin. "You must've been desperate."

"WHAT!?" Ninjetta screamed in shock. "I would never do that, even if my life depended on it!"

"Yeah, okay." The Nerd said whimsically.

The battle continued, with both the AI and the Nerd battling to the death. The Nerd had to concentrate; one slip up and it was over. His heart rate started to increase from the adrenaline; sweat poured down his face in nervousness. Finally, the Nerd landed one more blow on Assassina, sending her spinning across the room.

Another cutscene happened, which showed Assassina trembling on the floor in defeat. Ninjetta walked up to her arch-enemy with her hands on her hips.

"Game over, Assassina!" Ninjetta said confidently.

"Alright!" the Nerd cheered. "I won! I have to admit, that battle was awesome! Maybe this game did get better.

Ninjetta sighed with relief, "Phew. Maybe they didn't make me look so bad after all." She then glared evilly at her video game counterpart, "Though I wish they gave me a better voice!"

Moments later, another cutscene showed Assissina in handcuffs, getting taken away by two police officers. The two men pushed her into the back of a giant paddy-wagon and closed the door.

The virtual Ninjetta pointed at the vehicle, "Take her away, boys!"

The two police men got into the paddy-wagon, and drove away with Assassina inside it.

"I'll be back!!" Assassina bellowed from the inside of her portable prison.

The camera then went back on Ninjetta. However, what both the Nerd and the real Ninjetta saw next made their jaws drop. The graphics returned to the same inadequacy they were when the Nerd first started playing. He could not believe his eyes. It was only for the boss battles? That means he would have to torture himself further with the annoying levels and graphics. Ninjetta could not believe it either.

"No, no, no," Ninjetta said with an unbelieving look in her eyes. "It can't be."

"I don't believe this," the Nerd said. His anger was starting to rise. "Only the boss fights are the awesome parts!? Sure that's good, but I don't want to torture myself with the worst controls in existence. Man, fuck that! I'm done! It's like when Ninja Turtles III had only one good part in it, and everything else sucked! That's just bullshit," He picked up the Ninjetta cartridge and pointed at it. "And this game is just plain shit!!!"

He got up from his chair, stormed over to his Wii, and ejected the disk from the console. He held it up to his face, glaring at it viscously. He then turned to, you, the readers, with a smile.

"Ninjetta for the Wii," he said calmly.

He looked at the cartridge and nodded. Then, his eyes widened with rage, and he released it all on the game.

"MAKES ME WANNA TAKE A WEE ALL OVER IT!!" he shouted. "This game is a shit indulging, anal sucking, inhumane pile of cheese mold growing on the foreskin! I'd have more fun squeezing a clown's tits while he juggles diarrhea chunks oozing out of Superman's tights! I'd rather have Iron Man twist my dick around until urine pours out of my eyes! I'd rather have dog shit spoon-fed to me with a Wii Remote that was shoved up an ape's butt-hole! This game reeks of ass; it rips ass; it blows ass; it's ass blowing; and it can suck on a ninja star and fuck itself TO THE END OF THE UNIVERSE!!!"

The Nerd turned to face Ninjetta, who had her sword drawn and held with both hands.

"This game is going to feel my wrath for making a mockery of me!" Ninjetta hissed evilly.

The Nerd threw the game up into the air, and Ninjetta leaped after it. She took her sword and slashed through it faster than the blink of an eye. She then landed on the ground, knees bent over, and facing away from the cartridge. She placed her sword back in her sheath; simultaneously, the game cartridge broke into tiny pieces. Ninjetta quickly turned to face the fragments. She threw ninja stars at them, tearing them into little specs of dust. At last, the nightmare was over.

Ninjetta could not believe how badly she was insulted. The game tore her pride to shreds. It was like there were people out there who hated her, and in turn, wanted to make her suffer. She sighed depressingly, and turned to the Nerd.

"Nerd, that was awful," she said sadly. "The worst thing I've ever seen in my life. I feel like such a fool." She put her hand out to him. "Can I have one of those beers? Perhaps it can sooth the pain."

The Nerd went to reach for a beer when he suddenly stopped. For the second time, he had a change of heart. It was like his conscience managed to find its way out of the maze of anger and reached out to touch his heart. He could not let alcohol take control of her life, for he feared it may affect her in the future.

"No," the Nerd shook his head. "I can't. Don't reduce yourself to self pity like that. Besides, it's not your fault. The game just sucked, end of story. "

Ninjetta was surprised by what she heard. The Nerd did something noble? Was that possible? Either way, it showed that the Nerd was not as cruel as she thought.

"You're right," Ninjetta agreed with him. "I'm still Ninjetta no matter what. I can't let a game get me down. Thanks. That was thoughtful of you."

"No prob," the Nerd said modestly. He grinned, "Besides, that means more beer for me."

Ninjetta smacked her forehead. Perhaps she spoke too soon. However, she was still overwhelmed by what happened, which caused a pounding pain in her head to form.

"Ugh," she groaned as she placed her hand on her forehead. "I got a headache."

"Well, Spider Man is going to get one in the morning and you don't see him complaining," The Nerd pointed out. "But you can rest on my bed for a little bit."

"Thanks a lot," Ninjetta replied with a weak tone in her voice. "I could use a nap."

"Yeah, and I need to get this costume off," the Nerd said as he looked over his attire. "I'm starting to sweat like a pig."

Ninjetta walked over to the door and stumbled over something. A moan of pain could be heard from below. Ninjetta looked down to see Spider-Man.

"Oops, sorry Spidey." Ninjetta chuckled apologetically.

"Hey, it might be a good idea to take his mask off," the Nerd told Ninjetta. "We don't want him to puke inside of it."

"Eh, good point." Ninjetta concurred.

And so both Ninjetta and the Nerd picked Spider-Man up and removed him from the room.

Two minutes later, the Nerd returned to his room wearing his normal clothing. Ninjetta went to rest on the Nerd's bed while Spider-Man was dropped off in the Nerd's bathroom. He sat down in his chair and turned to, you, the reader.

"Man, that was nuts," the Nerd said. "I can't believe those bastards made a game to make the leader of the Odd Heroes look like a joke. How the fuck did Go Go Games mess this up!?"

He sighed, "Well, they still have three more chances to get it right. Let's play the next bastard in this pile of shit!"

The Nerd turned to face the box full of games featuring the Odd Heroes. As he glared at the box, music stared playing from out of nowhere. It sounded like a bass line. It was followed by a male voice whispering as the music stopped for a brief second.

"_He's a phantom…"_

The Nerd reached his hand into the box and pulled out one of the games.

"_Danny Phantom....Danny Phantom...."_

He glared viciously at the game as he pulled it out. The box art showed Danny Phantom flying towards the screen with green ectoplasm surrounding his hands. A choir of male voices started singing with the music.

"_He's gonna catch 'em all 'cause he's Danny Phantom.... gonna catch 'em all 'cause he's Danny Phantom.... gonna catch 'em all 'cause he's Danny Phantom." _

A/N: This chapter has been done for some while, but I need to make revisions to the writing. Also, due to the how long it has taken us to write these chapters, Stared and I decided to have this story take place before the final battle between the Nerd and the Nostalgia Critic. You will notice we mention things that have already come to pass. As always, we hope you enjoyed the chapter. Look forward to the next one soon.


	5. Chapter IV

A/N: Hey guys! Today's chapter is going to be a short one; plus, this one will depart from the Nerd and his hijinks for a bit. Why? Well, you're about to find out. Enjoy this short chapter.

**Chapter IV: Rise of the Nefarious Nostalgia **

Rivalry, a term often coined for two people who both appear to be equal at something, and both will compete against each other to prove which one of them is undeniably superior. Ever since the dawn of man, rivalries between the mightiest would form, but there is one rivalry in particular that has shaken the entire world, and everyone feasted their eyes on it, wondering who would walk away with the gold.

One person who formed the rivalry was the Angry Video Game Nerd; the other was a movie critic who hailed from Chicago, Illinois. Ever since this critic rose to popularity on the internet, he had formed a grudge against the nerd, and to this day will do anything to make him suffer from defeat.

* * *

The critic sat at a desk in his house, located on the outskirts of the city. He was around the Nerd's age, and he wore oval shaped glasses. His clothes consisted of a formal black suit with a white t-shirt. Around his neck was a formal tie which hung loosely around it. On his head he wore a black baseball cap. Those clothes were his attire, and they represented the dark deceptions of his childhood.

He calmly looked at the readers as he introduced himself.

"Hello, I'm the Nostalgia Critic," he said. "I remember it so you don't have to."

He folded his hands and rested them on the table. He spoke in a very informative and somewhat sentimental voice.

"You know, there have been many cartoon characters that have played a huge part in shaping cartoons during the golden age," the critic began. "Whether it's the friendly and loveable Mickey Mouse or the witty and zany Bugs Bunny, we owe a lot to these guys for entertaining us; and to this day we never forget their legacies. Now, there is one cartoon character from the early twenties that many have seemed to forget about. That character is Felix the Cat. During the silent era of film, his cartoons were a big hit, mainly because of his mischievous behavior, that big grin of his, and the surreal stories that took place in his world. Over the years he's gone through many changes, and in 1991 he got his own movie entitled: Felix the Cat: The Movie."

"Unfortunately, the movie was a box office bomb," he added. He placed his left index finger on his chin, and sarcastically said, "Gee, I wonder why that could be? Was it because the movie was bad? No, it wasn't bad. Was it REALLY bad? Nah, it wasn't really bad. Was it..."

Suddenly, he exploded into a fit of rage, hollering at the top of his lungs.

"THE WORST PIECE OF ELEPANT SHIT THAT ANIMATION HAS CHOKED ON, AND VOMITED ONTO THE SILVER SCREEN TO RAPE PEOPLE'S EYEBALLS!?"

He stopped to catch his breath from shouting. After taking a second, he looked back at the readers, nonchalant. He shrugged his shoulders and smiled whimsically.

"Well, maybe," he said. He looked at the audience with a serious glare, "There's only one way to find out. Let's take a look at the magical adventure that is...."

Before he could finish his sentence, the ringing of the doorbell could be heard.

The critic groaned. He did not like it when someone interrupted his review. However, it would be rather discourteous of him not to answer, since obviously the person at the door knew someone was home.

He turned back to the readers, "Excuse me for one second."

With a heavy sigh, the critic got up from his desk and went to the door. The person at the door continuously rang the doorbell until the critic got to the door and spoke up.

"Alright, alright," the critic snapped in annoyance. "I'm opening the door!"

Upon opening the door, the Nostalgia critic was greeted by a man who wore a large trench coat; his clothing appeared dirty and wrinkled. On his head he wore an orange winter hat, and he had long black hair. He appeared to be a hobo, though, strangely, he bared a striking resemblance to the critic. Was he a relative? Hard to say; the critic had no recollection of any relatives that lived in poverty.

The hobo excitedly lifted his arms into the air, shouting at the top of his lungs. He spoke with a bit of a raspy voice.

"OH, MY GOD, THIS IS THE GREATEST FANFICTION I'VE EVER READ IN MY LIFE!!!" he shouted out.

The critic smacked his forehead in frustration. Clearly, he already crossed paths with this street wanderer before.

"Listen, I told you that I don't give out charity," the critic told the hobo firmly. "Unless it's for a noble cause, like helping to pay the bills I get from going through hours and hours of psychological therapy to get over the horrible movies I review! So, go back to the hole you crawled out of!"

"Hey!" the bum spat out, offended. "Are you insulting my hole!? It's a very cozy place for your information. It's a lot better than the cardboard box I used to live in." He scratched his head, "Or was that a tissue box."

"Whatever." the critic sighed in exasperation. "Just go find someone who actually cares."

And with that said, he slammed the door on the hapless bum's face. With an assuring nod, he walked back to his desk. As he walked into the kitchen, he let out a high pitched shriek of surprise; the same bum he slammed the door on was now standing in his kitchen, eager to tell him about, "the greatest fanfiction he's ever read in his life."

"There's this guy who is a nerd, and he likes to dress up as a super hero," the bum continued. "That's kinda weird. Do all nerds dress up as super heroes? I thought they only dress up as people from Star Trek."

He then said in a low voice, "Most illogical."

The Nostalgia Critic rolled his eyes at the bum's pointless babbling.

"Listen, that's interesting and all but...." the critic started to say.

"And his super power is to curse and scream at bad video games using ridiculous phrases," the bum interrupted. "And he also has a utility belt full of booze. I wish I had a utility belt full of booze. It's hard to come up with a review sober while on the go!"

The critic's eyes started to widen, as he recognized the characteristic's of this nerd the bum was mentioning. He had a strong hunch as to who the super hero nerd was. He decided to let the bum ramble on.

"Hm, interesting fanfiction you speak of, he who reeks of cannabis," the critic said intrigued. "Please continue."

The bum was thrilled that he could continue his story. He lifted his arms into the air exuberantly.

"Hooray!" the bum cheered. He resumed the story, "So, he goes to a video game store and gets four free games from this manager guy."

He then leaned towards the Critic, "And he's like…."

He then moved back and imitated the manager, while resting his chin on his hand.

"Oh me, oh my, I have horrible games," the bum said as the manager. "What will I do?"

He then leaned towards the Critic again, who at that point was starting to get a little irritated from him invading his personal space like that.

"And the Nerd is like…"

He then backed away again and imitated the Nerd.

"Don't sweat it, man," the Bum said as the Nerd, assuring the manager. "I'll take those games for you. Besides, I was getting bored with making B-movies, anyway."

"Really? Thanks," the bum said as the manager now. He then pretended to pick up a shotgun, and he cocked it. "Now piss off!"

"But wait! Can't I trade in a game?" he asked as the Nerd.

"Which game?"

"Uh…Bomberman Zero?" he said sheepishly as the Nerd.

He then imitated the manager firing a shotgun. He finally stopped his acting and resumed the story as himself.

"Geeze, that manager is mean," the bum pointed out. "In fact, he so mean that he sounds like that boss toad from Rocko's Modern Life. But wait a minute, you can't hear words. I must've been on something. Must've been LSD. Never read fanfictions while on LSD! It'll have you hearing words – and sometimes you'll hear Gollum from Lord of the Rings."

"Yes, yes, continue!" the critic interjected; he was losing his patients from the bum going off on a tangent.

"Okay, okay," the bum replied defensively. He leaned in towards the readers and whispered, "This guy's never been laid, has he?"

"I HEARD THAT!!" the critic blared out.

"Ooh!" the bum exclaimed nervously. "I mean...so the first game he reviews is based on a super hero ninja; and the graphics in that game supposedly look like one of my crack fantasies. So the nerd plays the game using the Wii remote. That's so cool how you can play video games with a remote now! He's like..."

The bum moved his hands around, imitating various motions used with the Wii remote. He also made incoherent babbles to go along with it. After a few seconds of doing the strange motions, he spoke up again.

"He also threw the remote out the window, which hit a guy on the head!" the bum added. "It was awesome! I got hit in the head with a remote once. It was by my mom, who afterwards said, 'don't come back home until you find a real job.' And I replied to her with a smile, saying, 'No, mom. I have a job. A job to ask people for change is the greatest duty given to man.' ....and she flipped me the bird and shut the door on me. I don't think she took it too well."

"Anyway, the super hero ninja comes to the house and is all depressed because her game blows chunks." the bum said.

"The Ninja's like…" he said as he leaned into the critic again.

He then backed away and buried his hands his face, letting out a huge groan.

"And the Nerd is like…"

He imitated the Nerd while pointing rapidly, "This game blows monkeys!"

"And just when things were about to get boring, Spider-Man shows up!" the bum cried. "I'm not kidding! Spider-Man is in this story! And he does the best thing a spider does......gets hammered."

There was a brief pause, as the bum was perplexed by that moment.

"Yeah....that's pretty much it," the bum concluded with a confused tone in his voice. "It made no sense! I thought he was going to swing from his webs while singing, "Na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na, Spider-Man! Spider-man! At least I think that's what he sings. I could be mistaking it with something else. So they continue playing the game…"

"And the Ninja's like…" he said as he leaned into the critic again.

He then backed away and buried his hands his face, letting out a huge groan.

"And the Nerd is like…"

He imitated the Nerd while pointing rapidly, "This game still blows monkeys!"

"It was so boring!" the Bum said, slighty exasperated. "Now I know why Nerds are so dull; all they do is complain about everything."

He pointed to himself, "I never complain about anything. Well, except for being a bum. I..I have a whole list of complaints."

"And then the Nerd finally finishes his review," the bum continued. "And the ninja takes a huge sword and cuts the game into pieces. Hooray! Then the nerd's theme song starts playing!"

He started swaying back and forth while singing terribly off-key, "He's the angriest gamer you ever heard. Um....he likes to play with dog turds. I dunno why; he talks about them in every review. And so it's been a few months since he's reviewed another one of those super hero games, which pisses me off, because I've sacrifice sleep time just to wait for the next review. How I am able to function after being deprived of THAT much sleep is beyond me."

He then placed his hand on his head and moaned. He appeared a bit dazed.

"Ooh, Gollum is telling me about something precious," the bum said in a monotonous voice.

The critic walked up to him and smacked him across the back of the head to snap him back into reality. The bum rubbed his head from the pain he felt, but at the same time was grateful to be out of that mesmerizing state.

"Ow," the bum yelped in pain. He nodded to the critic, "Thanks, buddy. Anyway, this is Chester A. Bum saying...."

He pulled out a white foamed cup and shoved it right into the Nostalgia Critic's personal space. The critic backed up apprehensively as Chester shook the cup. The ringing sound of loose change dancing around the cup could be heard.

"CHANGE!? YA GOT CHANGE!?" Chester cried out. "Oh, come on! Help a guy out, will ya? Come on! Change! Can you at least tell Gollum to get out of my head? I need my head for...something."

The critic put his hands out as he tried to stop the bum's shouting.

"Okay, okay, okay," the critic cried. "I get it! Just give me some space, man."

The bum slowly backed away from the critic in response. The angry reviewer placed his chin on his index finger, and started mulling over all that the bum told him.

"So, the Nerd is up to his old tricks again, huh?" the critic said; he was thinking out loud, "And he's reviewing a game based on a real superhero." He turned back to the bum, "Who was the ninja superhero with the Nerd?"

The bum scratched his head, "I don't know. Um...ninjuta....nirgetta.....nogooda?"

Suddenly, the bum's eyes became fixed on the critic, who had opened the left side of his jacket. The bum noticed the pocket inside of it, which had a twenty dollar bill sticking out. Seems the critic was willing to bribe his way towards his answer. For the first time in years, the bum felt the wheels inside of his head start to rotate. He'd do anything for money.

"Ooh!" the bum shouted out in excitement. "Ninjetta! I swear to god that is the name!"

The critic gasped in shock.

"Ninjetta!?" the critic exclaimed. "The leader of the Odd Heroes!?"

The bum glared at the critic with a dumfounded expression, "Odd Heroes?"

A look of distraught started to manifest itself on the critic's face.

"No," the critic said in worry. "This can't be happening. Knowing the Nerd, these Odd Hero games must suck, and if they suck, he must be reviewing them to salvage the Odd Heroes' career; and if he does that, then he'll be a....hero."

In his mind's eye, he could see a huge parade taking place in a giant city. All around the area, the sounds of a crowd roaring with cheers and applauses could be heard. Multiple colors of confetti were thrown over the place, and a band could be heard playing the Nerd's theme song. The critic then saw what the cause of all this commotion was. Slowly rolling down the road was a parade float. The entire float was completely designed as a classic Nintendo controller.

Sitting on a chair in the middle of the float was the Angry Video Game Nerd. He was waving to the crowd, who were praising him as if he was a big war hero. It was a pretty extreme thought, but this was the critic's rational thinking; he always thought over the top scenarios. Also present on the float was the Odd Trio (XJ9, Danny Phantom and Ninjetta).

As the critic continued the trip through his imagination, he could see himself isolated from the rest of the crowd, utterly disgusted by the nerd's accomplishment. The next image he could picture was himself at his desk; it seemed he was about to start another one of his reviews.

"_Hello, I'm the Nostalgia Critic. I remember it, so you don't have to." _

All the critic could hear in response was the beautiful sounds of crickets chirping. Apparently the nerd's 'heroic' deed had caused all of the critic's fans to become nerd fans. The critic slumped his shoulders as a somber look appeared on his face. He continued to hear crickets chirping, and soon enough, he could hear a male voice singing. He turned to his right and looked down to see Jiminy Cricket singing. God, even the anthropomorphic crickets are singing, the critic groaned.

"_When you upon a star," the cricket sang. "Makes no difference who you..."_

Before he could finish that sentence, a fly swatter managed to squash the cricket flatter than a pancake. The critic lifted up the swatter, which had the cricket stuck on it, and he walked out of the room. The sound of a toilet flushing could be heard moments later. Getting himself back on track with this daydream, this untimely decline in his popularity meant that he lost his only job (which he surprisingly got paid for). He even pictured himself standing outside of his now foreclosed house. With a heavy sigh, he slowly walked into the blackness of night.

The critic's crazy thoughts got even worse when he pictured himself turning to a life of crime. Eventually, though, he got taken into custody by none other than the Odd Trio. However, what really pushed the critic over the edge was the next horrifying thought he conjured up. He saw himself shoved right into a jail cell. He was wearing an orange jumpsuit, and for some reason he was still wearing his trademark cap. The critic sat down on his new bed, sighing about the depressing life he would live. But he soon realized that he would not have to review horrible nostalgic movies anymore. Maybe this wouldn't be so bad after all.....

.....until he looked to his left. There, sitting right next to him was the one thing that made him shriek in absolute terror. It was something he hoped he would never have to be stuck with. It was something that would forever make his life a living hell.

"_Oh, my god, this is the greatest cell I've even seen in my life!" Chester A. Bum shouted out to his new cellmate. _

Finally snapping his mind back into reality, the critic's heart rate rose in anger. He could not believe that the nerd would go this far to become the most popular reviewer ever. No longer able to control the rage bottled up from within, the critic looked up at the sky and shouted one simple word at the top of his lungs.

"NEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEERRRRRRRRRRRDDDDDDDDDD!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

The bum, who was looking through the critic's cabinets to find something to steal, jumped in surprise upon hearing the critic's mighty yell. The bum watched in confusion as the critic started ranting and raving.

"Why that pig humping piece of shit!" the critic said, enraged. "Thinks he can become more popular by winning the Odd Heroes' hearts over?! Well, he's got another thing coming to him! I'll put an end to his little party!"

The bum scratched his head, still confused by what was going on. Furthermore, he was one of the few people that didn't know about the Odd Heroes, so he was left in the dark about that, too.

"Uh, who are the Odd Heroes?" the bum inquired.

The bum then heard the sound of a somewhat light slamming sound coming from the left. Startled, he turned in that direction, and jumped back in surprise at who he saw. Standing before him was a man who also bared a striking resemblance to the Nostalgia Critic (most notable was that he wore the exact same glasses). The only difference was that this man had a very sophisticated structure. His hair was neatly combed, and he wore a blue bathrobe. Settled in his mouth was a brown pipe, and resting on his right arm was a giant red book. The man looked at the bum with a pleasant yet creepy smile.

"Oh! Rammu. Didn't hear you come in." the man said in a polite tone.

"Didn't hear me come in?" the bum questioned the man's words. "Didn't you just walk in?"

"No," the man replied. "You see, everything is my property. So no matter where you go you walk in unannounced and without permission to enter. In fact, I should call the authorities on you right now for invading my property. But since I hear you have a stupid question, I'll let you ask it. So, greetings and welcome to Ask that Guy with the Glasses."

The bum rubbed his head, even more confused by the strange appearance of Ask that Guy. However, he had met Ask that Guy before, and he was a pretty uncanny character, so it was expected. But still, this guy could hopefully answer his question.

"Ooh!" the bum chimed up in excitement. "I have a question for you, Mr. Ask-amah-Guy. Who are the Odd Heroes?"

Ask that Guy nodded, "That's a very good question. To simply put it, they are heroes who are odd."

The bum smacked his forehead in realization, "Oh! Duh! Why didn't I realize that? It makes perfect sense! I think I need to move out of my hole. I don't get very good reception for my television down there. Especially since it's made up of cheese wiz, macaroni, five thousand copies of the E.T. video game, and the poster from High School Musical. All I ever see on my TV are those politically correct kids smiling at me."

"You poor, stupid sack of shit." Ask that Guy said with a huge grin; it was hard to tell if he was showing sympathy because of his smile.

Ignoring the blatant insult, the bum asked Ask that Guy another question.

"Oh! I have another question," the bum said. "Why is the Nostalgia-mah-Critic mad at the Angry Video Game-mah-Nerd?"

"Because he's a douche." Ask that Guy simply answered. "Yes."

Unbeknownst to Ask that Guy, the critic had watched the entire exchange take place, and he wasn't going to let that jerk bother him anymore. The bum noticed a black, long object appear right next to Ask that Guy's back. He looked over to see what it was, and a look of shock appeared on his face. This whole time, though, Ask that Guy was completely oblivious. The bum slowly crept away from the scene. Before Ask that Guy could ask why the bum was acting strange, he heard a loud bang and felt a powerful metal projectile penetrate his skin, and it struck his heart.

Ask that Guy gasped for air as his heart started to stop beating. Surprisingly, he acted as if the whole thing wasn't a big deal.

"Oh my," Ask that Guy said, as he gasped for air. "It appears I've been shot, and I think I am dying." he soon started to feel the effects of death, "Ah, yes, it is starting to get cold and," he looked down at his pants, "yes, I have voided my bowls. That's just terrible. Well, this...is...that...Guy...w..with the .glasses saying, 'there's...no...such.....'"

Too weak to even form another word in his mouth, Ask that Guy collapsed onto the floor, and died moments later. The one who pulled the trigger was the Nostalgia Critic, who shot Ask that Guy with his trademark pistol. He put his gun away and looked up with a relieved look.

"Man, you don't know how long I've wanted to do that!" the critic said with contentment. He looked to see a fearful bum slowly backing away. "Don't worry; you're too stupid to kill."

The bum gave a big sigh of relief, "Oh, okay." He then let what the critic said sink in. "Hey, wait a minute--"

The critic, ignoring the bum, paced up and down the kitchen hallway, contemplating a plan to sabotage the Nerd.

"_How do I shut that rhino humper's superhero business down?"_ the critic thought.

Suddenly, he felt a switch click on his brain; an idea had hit him! A sinister smirk appeared on the critic's face. He was too pleased with what he just came up with. In fact, he felt like patting himself on the back for it.

"Heeheeheeheeh," the critic chuckled evilly. "So, Nerd, you want to play superhero, huh? Well, for every superhero, there is also….a super villain."

With a new sense of confidence, the critic started to laugh manically. The bum, meanwhile, looked on in confusion. While still laughing, the critic ran out of his kitchen, and ran up the stairs, laughing all the way. The bum, while confused, shrugged off the critic's antics.

The bum felt his stomach rumble like a volcano, just ready to blow with rage. He clutched his stomach.

"Ooh, I knew all that air in that Camp-mah-bell's soup wouldn't hold me over till lunch time," the bum moaned. He then looked up to see the critic's kitchen. He smiled, "I'm sure Mr. Mah-Critic won't mind if I raid his kitchen."

Starved to death, the bum ran into the kitchen, opening cabinets and knocking over food and condiments to find something to eat.

* * *

The bum was now in the critic's living room, with his muddy feet resting comfortably on the coffee table. The warm, slimy mud literally slid onto the clean coffee table. Resting next to his feet was a red cereal box that was labeled, "Cheerios 2." The bum was eating the cereal in a small bowl, with cool, fresh milk poured on top of it. His tongue danced with glee as it felt that whole grain goodness enter.

Simultaneously, he was watching television. Furthermore, it was a movie that the critic had reviewed before: the Street Fighter Movie. The bum happily munched away on his cereal. Suddenly, he heard the sound of footsteps slowly approaching the room. It got closer and closer, until it stopped almost a few feet from him. The bum paused the movie, and turned to see the Nostalgia Critic – he looked different. While he was wearing his trademark hat, glasses, and jacket, there were a few new editions to his dark attire. He now donned two black shoulder pads, a pair of black gloves, a large purple towel fastened to the back of his neck, and on the front of his shirt, a blue "N", which looked like it was sewed on in thirty minutes (it looked crooked and almost undone). Also, under his glasses he wore an eye mask, much like the Nerd.

He placed his hands on hips, taking in the pride of his accomplishment.

"Behold!" the critic cried. "You now stand before the greatest terror of your childhood memories. The one who remembers it so you don't have to; but, when this day is done, the whole world will remember ME forever and ever. I am…."

He raised his arms into the air melodramatically, "THE NEFAROUS NOSTALGIA!! HAHAHAHAH!!!"

The bum (who was not at all intimidated by the critic's appearance) looked over the critic's costume. As his eyes went pass the waist area, he noticed a certain part of his "attire" was missing.

"Oh, my god!" the bum cried, pointing at the critic's groin area. "You're really small down there!"

The critic confusingly looked down, and screamed liked a woman upon what he saw. He forgot to put on his pants! He instantly reacted to this by covering his private area, and then he scurried out of the room. The bum just started laughing at the sight he saw.

"Wow!" the bum laughed. "I was right! No wonder this guy has never been laid."

No sooner did the critic leave did he return, now wearing his blue jeans. He stood tall once again, as he prepared to continue his speech.

"Let's try this again," the critic said. He cleared his throat, "I am the Nefarious Nostalgia! And today is the day I will finally defeat my archenemy; the Angry Video Game Nerd. By the end of our battle, he will kneel before me, dubbing me the superior reviewer; and then I shall get all the glory. No longer will people on the internet watch him! Instead, they will all come to me. But I'm not stopping there. Oh no! First the internet, then…THE WORLD!"

Shrugging the critic's over the top monologue, the bum resumed playing his movie. The image on the screen showed M. Bison from Street Fighter dramatically turning towards the camera.

"Of course!" M. Bison shouted out.

The critic walked over to the bum, grabbed the remote, and shut the television off. Chester looked at the critic in anger.

"Hey!" the bum spat out. "I was watching that! For a moment I thought this movie was one of my acid fantasies!"

"I'm afraid I have some bad news for you, bum," the critic said with a smirk. "I'm leaving, and I want you to take the trash out for me as I leave."

"Uh, where's the trash?" the bum asked, scratching his head.

"In your shoes!" the critic retorted.

The bum titled his head in confusion, not getting the critic's joke. The critic became frustrated by the bum's sheer stupidity.

"I mean you, you ass load of shit!" the critic blared out. "I want YOU out of my house, especially since I'll have to go across a few states to get to my destination"

An excited twinkle appeared in the bum's eyes, "You mean, like a road trip?"

"I guess so." the critic said with a shrug.

The bum cheered in excitement, "Hooray! A road trip! Please, take me with you! I love road-amah-trips! I never got to experience a real one before; I only experience them through LSD."

He leaped onto the floor and hugged the critic's legs.

"Please!" he begged. "I'm only a little bit housebroken! And I'd be a really good sidekick! I could throw up on people. And I could wiz on them, too, but I'd have to charge you for that."

The critic moaned in exasperation; the bum would be a real nuisance. Then again, with the bum on his side, they would have the edge in a battle against the Nerd. Plus, the bum would do anything for change, so he could do all of the critic's dirty work. Oh yes. Perhaps the bum wasn't such a burden after all.

With a sinister smirk, the critic leaned over to the bum.

"Okay," the critic said simply. "You can tag along."

The bum stood up and cheered, "Hooray!"

"But, you better promise to do as I tell you." The critic said sternly.

The bum saluted him, "You got it, Mr.-mah-Critic. I'll be your faithful companion….Bumman! Na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na, Bumman!"

The critic buried his face in his hands, _"Oh, god. What have I gotten myself into?"_

The bum pumped his fist into the air, "Then let's goes! To the critic-mobile!"

There was a long pause for a moment. The only sound that could be heard was the silent hallway of the room. The critic lowered his brow at the bum.

"What? Were you actually expecting a cheesy transition or something?" the critic asked.

And without speaking another word, the critic walked to the front door in utter annoyance. The bum shrugged his shoulders.

"Oh well," the bum said. "I'll just do the transition sounds myself."

He then imitated the transition music from the Adam West Batman show. He also ran to the door with both arms out, pretending to fly like Superman. Moments later, he arrived at the front door. Before he stepped out, he carefully looked around the room, and out the door, to see if anyone was watching him. He then tiptoed over to a bookshelf. Right above it was an expensive looking vase. The bum was about to put his filthy hands on the vase when…

"DON'T….EVEN….THINK ABOUT IT!!" the critic yelled from outside.

The bum jumped back in surprise. How did he know he was going to grab it? With his head hung low, the bum slowly dragged himself out the door.

* * *

Rage. A powerful rage that burned from within; however, at that moment, it was being suppressed. The rage belonged to none other than the critic, who, upon looking at his car, noticed something different about it. All four of his tires were not on the wheels of his car; instead, the four wheels were being supported by four cement blocks. The critic's teeth grinded together in anger, so much so that he thought he was going to crush them any second. He instantly knew who the culprit was.

The critic angrily spun around to face the bum, only to see him trying to creep away from the scene.

"BUUUUUUUUUMMMMM!!!!!" the critic blared out; he was furious.

The bum flinched. He sheepishly turned towards the critic with a huge grin.

"You know, you must have a thing for shouting people's names out like that." the bum said with a nervous grin.

The critic crossed his arms; he was doing his best to keep himself from delivering a severe beating to the hobo.

"You have five seconds to explain yourself," the critic said. "I know for a fact that the tires didn't walk up and leave."

The bum did his best not to confess to the critic, but he could not hold back this guilty feeling that weighted heavily on his heart. He then broke down in a panic.

"Okay, okay!" the bum cried. "I admit! I came by your house last night to get change from you, but you were asleep. So I waited for you to wake up! But then I go so hungry! I ate the tires!"

The critic looked at the bum in disbelief, "You ate them!?"

"I couldn't help it!" the bum replied. "But hey, I was also doing it to help you save money. With the way our economy is in, you can save some gas."

"But I need a fucking car to drive in!" the critic pointed out in rage.

"Oh," the bum realized stupidly. "That's a totally legitimate point." He then made a worried look, "You're not going to kill me, are you?"

The critic sighed and rested his chin on his hand, "No. Believe it or not I need you right now." He angrily glared at the bum, "We'll worry about the car later. But how the hell are we going to get to the Nerd's dump now? I don't know if I have enough cash to get us across the state."

The bum gasped in excitement; he had an idea!

"Ooh!" the bum said. "I know how we can get there! I have just the thing!"

An intrigued look appeared on the Critic's face. The bum had an idea? He was actually using his brain for once?

The bum fumbled around in his pocket until he pulled out what appeared to be a cardboard cutout, shaped strangely enough like a credit card. The critic frowned; maybe he spoke too soon.

"And what, may I ask, is that?" the critic asked, starting grow annoyed yet again.

The bum put the card right up to the critic's face. What the critic saw on the card made his jaw drop in shock. On the front of the card was a picture of a poorly drawn bat.

"It's my bat credit card," the bum said proudly. "Never leave home without it."

The bum looked at the critic's face. What he saw made his heart jump into his throat with fear. The critic lower lip was as hard as a rock, and he was taking huge, deep breaths. The critic's face became as red as a tomato. The bat credit card was the one thing in the universe he despised more than the Nerd. Ever since he saw Batman use it in his movie "Batman & Robin," the critic had forever been stung by the fact that a superhero he idolized would do something so…so….degenerating.

"A…bat…credit card?" the critic said, his voice rising. "You….want to use…a bat credit card?"

The bum confusingly looked at the card, and then looked back at the critic, who was slowly approaching him, with a seething look of rage in his eyes.

"Was it something I said?" the bum said, perplexed. "Maybe you don't like the bat design. Would like to see the one I drew of a robin?"

The critic could not take it anymore.

"AHHHHHH!!!" the critic screamed; and then he tackled the bum to the ground.

The only sounds that could be heard were the sounds of punches, kicks, and a screaming hobo.

"OW! HEY! WHAT DID I DO!?" the bum yelped in pain. "I know I'm not the best artist! Yow! Do I get change for this? Ow!"

Will the Nefarious Nostalgia succeed in defeating his arch-enemy, Captain Crappy Games? Will Chester A. Bum ever get his change? Does anyone realize there's a dead man wearing a robe in the critic's house? And will the evil Nefarious Nostalgia ever get over the bat credit card ordeal?

"A BAT CREDIT CARD!!!"

Find out next time; same crappy time, same crappy website.

A/N: Stared and I want to thank Doug Walker for allowing us to use the Nostalgia Critic, Chester A. Bum, and AskthatGuy characters. It's a great honor indeed. BTW, there's something I need to discuss with you guys about where exactly this story takes place in the continuity of the Nerd and Critic, but I'll do that next time. Oh, and when I said crappy website, I didn't mean this website is crappy. Just did it like the Old Adam West Batman show cliffhanger. XD Anyway, hope you enjoyed it.


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